I’m an IT nerd but they could not pay me to buy a grill that requires software updates. What a bunch of nonsense.
Yesterday my WIFI air purifier crashed after changing the speed with the app and turned itself off and even caused the Ethernet switch to crash and hang.
There was a silly little movie in the 80’s called “Maximum Overdrive”, written and directed by Stephen King.
In it Aliens somehow cause machines to ‘turn’ on human beings and attack us.
They could remake that movie now but instead of Aliens causing the machines to attack people, it could be malicious ‘hackers’ that do it, and it would be more believable that the original film.
I feel like hackers would always have been more believable than aliens.
You can’t really (remotely) hack a machine that doesn’t have wireless capabilities or computer chips in them.
In the movie it was just regular, non electronic machines like (pre-computerized) diesel trucks and lawnmowers etc.
The original story was written before the Internet and so before hackers even existed. One of Stephen King’s cocaine fever dreams iirc.
*Brought to you by Samsung.
I wouldn’t use it, but if you want one with software then there’s nothing wrong with it updating.
What happens if the grill resets anyway? You get back to the default wallpaper?
A GPU?
Probably not. But it would be rad if it could run Doom.
Can we go back to dumb tech?
I’m a casino slot tech. Don’t even get me started on the electronic table games that still use a dealer! Like Scotty said, “The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.”.
when you buy a wifi-grill you kind of missed the point of grilling.
It’s great for smoking though. I’ve done it the old fashioned way of staying up all night to feed wood into the smoker and I’ll gladly take a wifi-enabled pellet smoker with a temperature probe over it.
Why do you need wifi? You turn a knob and fill it with pellets every couple hours.
To get the temperature probe data on your phone so that you don’t have to repeatedly get up to check it. It’s particularly useful for turkey, where the difference between moist and horribly dry white meat is only 5-10 degrees.
I’ve got a Bluetooth temp probe set. They work a treat. And I totally forgot to even use them when I got smoked a salmon and chicken wings for Canada Day.
I’ve got a bluetooth temp probe set too. I use it in my smoker. I’m not trusting that expensive piece of meat to the whims of the gods. I need to know what the temperature of the meat is and when it hit’s the target temps.
TBF, I absolutely should have used them, but I was cooking for 25 people, and honestly totally forgot about them. I was rushing about with the BBQ, into the kitchen switching out cooked pizza for uncooked and trying to catch a sip of beer in between all that… As a result the salmon came out amazing, slow smoked at 60° for 3 hours because I totally forgot about it until the wife would occasionally say: the smoker’s not smoking!
Why not just buy a wifi probe instead of an entire grill? I’d rather a tiny thing stop working than being unable to use my grill at all because it’s jammed with too much tech.
Truly do they do anything else worth it? I’m a plan charcoal grill person, so never wanted or looked into anything beyond that.
All I can think of is reminders to fill the pellet bin. On balance I don’t think that’s worth it
Yet more reasons that charcoal/firewood is superior.
A grill should run on charcoal. It needs to get very hot and that’s literally it.
There’s a universe where I attach some electronic controller with a PID loop or something to a smoker, to maintain consistent temperatures via damper control. I’m not buying that off the shelf built into the machine though.
While I agree that real charcoal is superior in every way, a good grill and the person running it needs to be able to control the temperature while cooking. It might be just fine to burn those hot dogs or hamburger patties, but if I want to roast a potato or an onion, I need to be able to control the heat to something less than the surface of the sun.
Traeger makes pellet smokers. They have a hopper full of wood pellets and a micro controller that feeds in pellets to maintain a set temperature. You can get ones with a temperature probe to stick in the meat and let you know when it’s done, which is what the Wi-Fi is for.
There’s a legit use case for them because they save a ton of time and effort over smoking the traditional way.
wifi grill - okay
cloud grill - not okay
Uses a PID controller too.
A grill should run on charcoal.
Someone insert the KOTH reference, I’m too tired, I tell you hwat
Hank is wrong. If all you care about is the “heat,” you might as well go inside and cook on your stove!
I just recently watched the episode where Bobby and Peggy get hooked on charcoal
There’s a universe where I attach some electronic controller with a PID loop or something to a smoker, to maintain consistent temperatures via damper control. I’m not buying that off the shelf built into the machine though.
I really ought to finish putting together my HeaterMeter.
I guarantee this update didn’t drop on Thanksgiving. Photo OP probably hasn’t turned it on since their last BBQ months ago and is just noticing - on Thanksgiving - that an update pushed a while ago that they now need to install to get started.
Pro tip: Start up your electronics a day or two in advance of events, so you can pre-patch anything that needs it.
Source: Former IT guy here, who had to ensure that updates ran at the most convenient times possible for thousands of users. “Patching Tuesday” is an unofficial but well recognized “holiday” for IT folks. It’s not first thing Monday morning, which could throw off the workflow for the week, but it also gives the max amount of time to resolve any issues that patching might cause, so we (hopefully) don’t have to work through the weekend.
Pay attention to when your stuff requires patches. A lot of the time, it’ll pop up on Tuesdays.
Thanks, but i prefer most utilities without wifi and need of patching. Each wifi device is running a full blown OS, for which the (cheapest possible) hardware will start to fail after 5 to 10 years. Experience from a wifi capable HP printer; wifi was the first that failed. Not to talk about never patched security holes.
Source: Former IT guy here, who had to ensure that updates ran at the most convenient times possible for thousands of users.
I used to work at a theater owned by a city. So we used the city’s IT department, and their network. During COVID, live-streaming took off. The city wanted us to install a streaming video package. After a month or two of installing a full video system, we finally get around to testing the stream. Boot up AWS, and it runs fine. We’re streaming in full 4K. Great!
So the show rolls around. It’s Saturday, 7:30pm start time. We start the show… And the stream instantly shits the bed. Like we go from full gigabit upload speed, to less than a single megabit. We’re lucky to get 56kbps speeds. We’re getting one or two frames per second if we’re lucky.
Sunday, we test the stream ahead of time, and it works flawlessly. Show starts, and the upload speed drops to fucking dial up.
Monday morning rolls around, and IT strolls in to check their tickets. Sees a hundred from us, and gives us a call. They run a test on their end. No issues. They run a test on AWS. No issues. They run a test on the fiber backbone between the theater and city hall. No issues. They call the ISP. ISP said they didn’t have any issues over the weekend. IT shrugs, and marks the tickets as solved.
Next weekend, same thing. We’re wondering if IT is automatically throttling us, or if we have a malicious user on the network. We’re asking about QoS, or maybe automatic port control kicking in when the stream starts. Monday rolls around, and IT marks it as solved again.
Third weekend, same thing. This time, the city manager’s office is getting calls from angry patrons who paid for streaming and can’t watch their streams. Monday morning, IT rolls up. They run some more tests, and still can’t find anything wrong. They swear up and down that it’s nothing on their end, and it must be something on ours.
After four months of this back and forth, IT finally admits that they have all of their maintenance tasks to run at 7:30 over the weekend. Every single computer, server, and fucking toaster connected to the city network begins their updates at exactly 7:30. Thousands of city devices, all singularly focused on devouring our upload speeds. Servers run off-site backups. Those backups consume all of the upload speeds for the entire city network. IT refuses to change the time, because “this is what works for us. It’s after city hall closes, so we don’t have any users who are affected. It hasn’t been a problem in the past.”
And in those four months, did no-one think of firing up WireShark to see what was floating across that network during that time period?
Seems like someone dropped the debug/analysis ball…
I wasn’t in IT, so my hands were tied. If I tried running a network scan, I’d have been able to hear the screeching all the way from city hall.
what can you expect, they’re probably getting paid 40-50% of what they should be getting paid.
pay less get less.
my pride as an IT worker wouldn’t have allowed me to let it fester for 18 weeks though.
Tuesday is the perfect day for it. Finish up the update on Friday, review it Monday and fix where you probably fucked up something and didn’t notice, push it the next day.
Pro tip: don’t buy a fucking BBQ that connects to the Internet.
No appliances in general while we’re at it
Seriously. “Start it a day early” My brother in Christ why does your grill need wifi? Do you get updates when the steak is ready? Can it flip your burger?!
Have tons of devices that can connect to the Internet. Apparently I’m the only one here resourceful enough to not connect them
I rip the wifi card out and if that’s not available all things can be solved with the proper application of an angle grinder.
Pro tip; use electronics that are stable and user focused.
Good shout on patch tues tho.
pro tip
I get it. I hate it, but I get it.
another pro tip from someone else in IT: see that appliance with the digital screen? fuck it. don’t get it. get the old shitty one that’s $800 less that doesn’t have WiFi or non-tactile buttons. you know what doesn’t need firmware updates? a charcoal Weber grill.
I like my home automation tech but it needs to serve a purpose. Just being connected to wifi is not a selling point for me. Lights that turn on in the morning when I need to wake up are great. A thermostat that can reduce energy usage when nobody is home is also great. But a grill….what the fuck does Internet access do to improve the grilling experience?
And if it requires the cloud to work, I don’t consider it a functional product.
Less grilling, more smoking. Temperature monitoring for long cooking times without having to leave an air conditioned environment.
Serious answer?
I have an app on my phone that allows me to control my pellet grill as long as it and my phone have an internet connection.
Doing a 12 hr smoke, I can leave the house and monitor it while I go shopping, change the temps if its not acting right. I can set temperature alerts and then go around the house and my phone goes off when the meat hits a certain internal temp. Its really really handy.
we love Z-Wave, ZigBee and Tinkerers products with Wifi
…The sort of grill I will never buy.
What are the chances they shipped it on Thanksgiving vs Thanksgiving being the first time in a while the user turned it on?
This, but why does it need a firmware update and why couldn’t it be setup to update on shutdown rather then power on?
Why does it have firmware?
I will never own a grill that has to connect to wifi. In fact, I actively avoid any appliance that adds unnecessary IOT functionality.
That was me until HomeAssistant and ESPHome
Oh shit, I didn’t know about ESPhome. There goes my free time!
Haha have fun xD
At least with ESPHome and other local-only devices they only update when you actually tell them to update.
I know, right? Why send my BBQ data to the cloud when I can just cook with a handful of GPUs, locally? To start the grill you just ask the animated waifu to dance and sing a random, AI-generated song that matches your taste in music. Then the fans spin up and send scrumptious GPU heat into the grill, cooking up a delicious hallucination where your animated waifu sings, “That looks yummy! Yummy yummy yummy! Hai hai hai!”
Perform Bad Apple using the most complex geometric shapes possible.
We’re starting to add some IoT stuff (mostly sockets and leak sensors for the basement brewery) but it had to wait until i’d built a beefier firewall and the HA server. 'Cos that shit is not leaving the house
I have a Traeger and saved $200 because it was the model without WiFi.
I made a delicious turkey breast on Independence Day
Jokes on you when they invent a new kind of meat your grill can’t cook
DRM Ribs. The Salmonella will not die until you pay for Traeger’s $19 a month subscription
Skill issue. I eat my food raw. The explosive shits are just me speedrunning my bathroom breaks. Efficiency baby!
Someone’s gonna crack that shit and release it as a spice and when you open it a cool as fuck midi techno track plays while you crack your ribs.
Please eat verification Sausage.
Please chew with your mouth open.
Wow, that’s super-topical in more ways than I had expected. The more I read, the more scarily insightful it gets.
spoiler
- The main character being a refugee, with almost all that entails (can’t blame Doctorow for not anticipating it getting this bad)
- The dystopian collusion between the appliance-rentiers and the landlord, as well as the climax hinging on lack of tenant protections
- The way capitalism attempts to subsume all critique.
This is a story that’s important, that everybody needs to read.
It can do bread and the best tasting broccoli and Brussels sprouts you’ve ever had
Are you seriously taking the risk of brussels sprouts with outdated firmware?
raw shrimp on a grill staying completely uncooked next to grilled chicken and steak because you don’t have the DRM for SeaPak©️ shrimp (photorealistic, art station, comedy, vivid)
Are you live from your backyard where you’re smoking meats?
🎵. meat like a brisket. 🎶
Nah, I’ve got a Bluetooth thermometer so I can track it while I play video games
