less interesting fact, my penis is a lower resolution than an elephant trunk.

I like Trump. the fact that he’s president of the most powerful nation in history only means that I, a functional dimwit, have a chance to do the same.

I used to hate it, then one year someone brought raw greenbeans. no salt, no ham, nothing. just raw dogging greenbeans.

I hate greenbeans.

I’ll take overly cooked greenbeans that taste like soup and onions any day now.

think of it like this. everyone thinks you’re an asshole, but I think you’re the asshole.

going for the nuclear option I see…

Corn me up, snake

listen here you little shit…

yeah but he was granted clemency in Florida

1980’s F-250 built like a Sherman.

wish I could say when we die, but that could be when they truly begin…

this is what happens when corpos take over your standards and compliance boards.

my mother has something like 8000 cookbooks she’s collected from the 1930s to around 2015.

I think I’m set.

don’t forget to add the lye to your gravy this year. it makes it way less lumpy.

use it in a 1:1 ratio with the amount of water you use.

man I’m glad I got my 96gigs last year. fuck this mess.

I’ll hold out until the bubble pops and pick it all up for pennies.

wait until they spring out a Jedi android with a lightsaber whip and talks like JarJar because someone at Disney wants to bring that dumbass fuckwit back “somehow”.

beware, I’ve heard there’s a predator in that meadow.