Ok, got any mountains?

No take 10 damage and tap a creature in play.

People need to stop celebrating the shooter! I’m absolutely disgusted and ashamed by their actions. Charlie Kirk was doing nothing but sitting there giving a speech. This was in the middle of the day, there were clear sky’s and the sun was shining directly on Charlie, as if he was chosen to deliver an important message. Than the shooter shot at him. I’ll say it as it is, nothing was between Charlie and the shooter that warranted this.

So how could the shooter miss the shot at Charlie Kirk’s large ass head and hit him in neck instead! Embarrassing, do better on the next fascist.

This space ship will change back into a pumpkin after 12 parsecs and your co-pilot back into a dog.

Dentist: Well thankfully I’m a woman in a male dominated profession.

Looks like Batman likes to eat ass

Pfft that was illegal 9 months ago.

And since this is America.

“Take on 500k in student loan debt.”

We delved too deep!

Me sliding the straw in and out of a McDonald’s cup my urethra.

Or is he still a lion if he was adopted by a mercat and warthog.

My body hair and excess blubber is perfectly adapted to low temperatures. I sweat nonstop when it hits + 70 degrees fahrenheit until it’s winter again.

That looks like a fork at a restaurant where they try to convince you that this fork is better than a regular fork. With this fork, you get to experience the chefs childhood struggles growing up in poverty, withou proper tools to succeed in life. As you fumble around trying to scoop up your cashew foam and baked stick.

3/10 for the artistic expression
1/10 for the meal

I don’t trust them. I was at a bird sanctuary and a pelican was blocking the walkway. Every time I looked at it or tried to walk past it would turn it’s head sideways and look at me. Than open and close it’s mouth and make two loud snaps with it’s beak.

After awhile of a standstill an employee there came by and said “oh don’t worry, he’s not going to hurt you! Just walk by him he’ll move.”

Fuck that! Even with the assurance I was still like fuck no. Eventually it moved and I scuttled past, but didn’t keep my eyes off it. Afterwards it jumped back on the path behind me and started waddling after me, slowly. Sure it might have been harmless, but it sure as fuck wasn’t projecting that.

There is a tiny pinhole in the top of the gear stick. If you put a paperclip in it for 5secs the horn honks and the BMW is reset. Afterwards you have to resync your key through the authenticator app and change your blinkers from one to three.

If you hear a continuous honk. Your BMW is actually a transformer and you just sounded it’s urethra.

I’m not sure if I should be labeled as an introvert or not. I just hate small talk and don’t really care to get to know people unless they interest me. Not many people interest me, because I find people just bitch about the same things or the only thing they have to talk about is sports team, weather, or TV thing.

People who say I’m quiet, just don’t know I hate talking to them. I won’t shut up around the 2-3 people I actually like. I never had a problem throwing myself into social settings or just conversing with strangers. I’m typically the one coordinating people to get together.

I’m either the less introvert of the introvert group or maybe I’m a sociopath?

Anyhow I shut down conversations like OP all the damn time, just because I don’t want to talk to that person in particular or I’m in a hurry.

Lifts-Her-Tail
Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.

Crantius Colto
Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?

Lifts-Her-Tail
I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.

Crantius Colto
So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.

Lifts-Her-Tail
You embarrass me, sir!

Crantius Colto
Fear not. You are safe here with me.

Lifts-Her-Tail
I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!

Crantius Colto
Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.

Lifts-Her-Tail
But it is huge! It could take me all night!

Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.

Lifts-Her-Tail
My goodness, that’s quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?

Crantius Colto
This loaf isn’t ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.

Lifts-Her-Tail
If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?

Crantius Colto
Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.

Lifts-Her-Tail
You wish me to kneed the loaf? Here?

Crantius Colto
Of course.

Lifts-Her-Tail
But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.

Crantius Colto
Don’t fret, my delicate flower. I’ll satisfy the mistress’s cravings later.

Lifts-Her-Tail
Very well, but I’m afraid my oven isn’t hot enough. It could take hours!

Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.

Once their spouse finds out the ring is lost. They’ll be in deep shit.

Featuring Ant-Man as the butt plug.