I still have a couple of these

Yeah

“I didn’t see them!”

They should open the cans and pour the contents directly into the bag

Christianity is an infohazard

I made a creature and then killed it before it had an opportunity to comprehend me and I’m offended by that so I’m going to torture it for eternity.

King

Nuclear war is really difficult for shareholders

Conventional war only. JDAMs and such. 3 hellfire missile strikes cap per year. Mustard gas and anthrax. Cyber warfare.

All taxes are hard when you’re as dumb as me

Yeah but taxes are so hard tho!

Nice!

The earth has been hotter, sweatier, and more CO2 filled than this before. It was animal hell and bacteria heaven though. Incompatible with mammals. Crocodile purgatory 🐊

Nah he’s just really into young legumes

Sounds a bit like the fella from blood Meridian

“She’s usually super friendly IDK why she’s acting up.”

Cover up any tattoos you might have.

You know, I like to go fishing. I bring my long fishing pole, and some black plastic bags to contain any trash I happen to see along the way. I like to carry the trash bag fed through the eyelet at the top of my fishing pole. Now, if that bag happens to fall over the top of a flock camera while I’m walking past, enveloping it and drawing the drawstring tight around it, there’s a fair chance I won’t notice.

If course, I dress for chilly weather with a flappy hat to cover my ears, sunglasses to protect from sun glare, and a covid mask, just to be safe. Of course I never bring my mobile phone when I go fishing. I never seem to catch anything anyway.

• St Kitts and Nevis
• Antigua and Barbuda
• South Georgia and the Sandwich Isles
• St Vincent and the Grenadines (great band name)

My cat is not allowed in my bedroom.