Linux gamer, retired aviator, profanity enthusiast
When I was learning Python, I coded a Space Mutiny Name Generator. Here, let me run a few:
Hack Slugmeal
Brick Vanderchest
Rip Fistnozzle
Stan Beefhead
Hack Squatchest
Beat Manknob
Hunk Hardhandle
Hack Hardnugget
Wedge Rockmeat
Beat Bonehat
Slam Headnugget
Stan Toughnozzle
Hack McLargebody
Hack Bulkcheese
Big Grindhuge
Dirk Squatpound
Crud Steaknugget
Hunk Rockface
Slam Fisthandle
Big Hardback
Chunk Slamface
Rip Manthrust
Beat Headmeat
^CAAAAAAAAAAH! gets out calmly
And they’re tuned to the same key.
That’s basically a McGriddle.
Camacho saw his people had problems, he searched for the smartest man in the world, found him, and empowered him to make real change.
That’s not something politicians do, for that you need an idiot.
No amount of financial incentive can convince you to create something that you wholeheartedly believe will destroy you.
Nuclear weapons. Mutually Assured Destruction doctrine.
To be fair to Nintendo, they painted themselves into a corner.
The first game was supposed to capture the feeling Myamoto had when exploring the woods near his home as a kid, so it has an excuse plot about collecting magical plot tokens on a quest to rescue a princess from a monster. It did well enough to get a very dissimilar sequel, because Nintendo also hates sequels. Myamoto always wants to do something new, he always resists making more of a good thing.
The third game, A Link to the Past, returned to the top-down dungeon crawl, but there was room on the cartridge now for some NPC dialog, so they wrote some backstory. And they got a little carried away becuase they wrote a creation myth, a deep backstory of the kingdom, a villain, and the design document of the rest of the series. The fourth game, Link’s Awakening on Gameboy, is canonically a dream. It all happened in Link’s head.
The fifth game, Ocarina of Time, is a prequel, they made a game out of A Link to the Past’s fluff text. Fans went fucking nuts for it. The sixth game, Majora’s Mask, is a game made on a strict one-year deadline, it has themes of constantly ticking clocks and impending doom. Write what you know, boys.
The Oracle games are side stories that don’t effect the overall story, Wind Waker is the way it is because Myamoto went on a vacation to the beach and liked it, see also Mario Sunshine. Minish Cap is a distant prequel that takes place before OoT, and then Twilight Princess came out, made almost entirely to address the backlash against the cartoony art style of Wind Waker and to a lesser extent Minish Cap.
Nintendo sold the Wii on its motion control gimmick. Twilight Princess was a launch title for the game, but TP was designed for the Gamecube and they just mapped wiimote swipes to button presses. They took the rest of that long console generation to develop Skyward Sword with actual motion controls, and it was yet another distant prequel even predating Minish Cap.
It’s the 2010s by now. Youtube exists, and fans are starting to make video essays about the sprawling, self-contradictory series and trying to form it into a cohesive whole. Detecting a merchandising opportunity, Nintendo releases Hyrule Historia, a nearly 300 page hardcover book that among other things contained the officially sanctioned timeline of events: The timeline splits into three separate parallel realities at Ocarina of Time, meaning some of the biggest entries in the series to date: A Link to the Past, Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, had nothing to do with each other.
One 3DS sequel to ALttP later that largely takes place in yet another alternate reality, and they come out with Breath of the Wild, which is deliberately nowhere on the timeline and contains details established in all three split realities, followed by Tears of the Kingdom which retcons even Ocarina of Time out of existence.
TL;DR: The story of the Legend of Zelda series is best summed up by its main character, Link, when he said “Hep! Hap! HEEEEEYAH!”
Would have been a funnier joke if the bottom sentence was written in a different handwriting.
Cows eat a lot of grass. They shit like a cement mixer.
Each game can stand on its own. Nintendo is well aware that its audience will always include children playing their first Zelda game on their first console.
If any of the games refer back to a previous one, it will almost always be Ocarina of Time. OoT depicts the origin story of the series’ main villain, so the boss fight at the end of that game marks the “Year Zero” for the series kind of the way the Battle of Yavin does in the Star Wars fandom.
Because Ocarina of Time involves time travel, it actually forks the timeline into three paths: Link is defeated, Link defeats Ganon and the timeline continues from there, Link travels back in time to prevent Ganon from rising to power in the first place. Later a fourth branch was established: Prequels, set before the events of OoT.
At least one game is a fever dream, at least two games take place in other, faraway kingdoms, at least one game can be interpreted as a fever dream or a faraway kingdom, and then Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom seem to be a reboot of the series because ToTK retells OoT’s story and retells it wrong.
Okay so. A primer on the Zelda franchise:
Nintendo dislikes video games with stories, and they nakedly hate video game franchises with overall lore. Nintendo wants to make video games that are mechanically fun, “it’s fun to jump on the thing.” “It’s fun to swing a sword ad the thing.” “It’s fun to throw a ball at the thing.” Look no farther than their primary flagship franchise, the Mario series, for games with an excuse plot and highly polished primary gameplay loops. You can tell they truly, madly, deeply resent their secondary flagship franchise, the Zelda series, for being a more narrative driven adventure saga that attracts gamers who like deep overall lore.
Ocarina of Time is the most important game in the Zelda series’ deep overall lore.
I’m gonna say no it wasn’t expected. I’d expect toxic chemicals, heavy metals etc. I would expect a data center to discharge water that is unsafe and damaging, they are after all being run by Captain Planet villains…but bacteria? I wouldn’t have called that one.
Arch has good documentation. Read it and you’ll be ok.
The NES had a bunch of garbage software anyway. Look at Hydlide or King’s Knight.
I have a copy of The Hunt For Red October that was taped in December off of HBO, and it’s got this ad before it for…you know those children’s games, it’s a plastic enclosure, you fill it with water, there are like little plastic rings or balls, and you like push a button to squirt water around the enclosure to move the rings around, it’s like if you explained the concept of Pinball to someone, and the only language you share in common is Klingon? I have a late 80’s early 90’s ad for that.
You know, I read these as a humorous juxtaposition between the style of (apparently unironic, posted in earnest) “girl dinner” pictures which are usually just a few small piles of whatever from the fridge, with the r/malelivingspace attitude.
Elsewhere as in the companies and idividuals not employed by Apple that actually invented the things Apple sold? Correct.
My cat does not attack me. Mere minutes ago she walked up, brushed her side on my shin and meowed for pets. Because she’s mentally healthy. Someone living here should be, might as well be the cat.
No, I’m pretty sure they licensed it, and so did Dell. Go look at Dell’s MP3 players, damn near identical interface.
There have been more good Movie: The Video Game releases than Video Game: The Movie.
Okay so an earlier version of this script…you can tell what it is, it’s a firstname, prefix, suffix generator. As an in-joke to the show I programmed in “Bob” “Johnson” and “Oh Wait” as the zeroth entry in the lists. It would occasionally pick up the parts in normal entries though, so my favorite one it printed was Slam Johnsonmeat which…please don’t.
I wrote this thing at least ten years ago and I’ve been laughing at it ever since.