Guess I fucked thousands and thousands of women in my sleep.
Seems to me like a critique in reverse about sex in regards to women’s anatomy. I like it.
Call me old fashioned but I like a woman who doesn’t cut off the penises of her partners and turn them into sausages
🫵Boomer.
Lemme tell you young whippersnapper, when she offers to show you her collection of penis trophies, run. Big red flag. You’ll thank me one day, now get off my lawn!
But she’s fun at barbecues!
Because it’s reality that women prefer large penis, of
Damn my right hand must be too strong
The virgin penis is still full of cum that has built up in it over the years. That’s why it’s so big. Do you really want to have to face 5 year old cum?
The old “saving up for marriage”
I imagine it probably turns to curd or cheese, and then polymerizes and you can shoot bullets like the worst revision batman.
it probably turns to curd or cheese
Ah, that’s what that is. I think mine is leaking
No worries, that can be used instead of butter to make sandwiches
Is dick polymer biodegradable? If so, maybe we can tackle the whole microplastic issue as well!
What’s the expiration period on that?
This is basically what conversations and debates around sex sounded like before the internet … especially if you were a kid or a teenager. No one had a clue and every once in a while, some idiot with a bit of information would come forward and confidently make statements like this and we couldn’t agreed or disagree with them because no one could verify the information.
I remember one conversation when I was about eight and some older kid telling us that the number of thrusts you made when you had sex was the number of children you would have. And for the longest time I believed that.
Another one I heard as a teenager had to do with Asians … specifically Chinese women … people said that they had a vaginal canal that was like a corkscrew and it was really hard to get in there.
The dumb shit we heard and believed or semi-believed when we were growing up … which is why people like Sue Johanson on late night TV in Canada was a breath of fresh air … she had a talk show on late night TV with sex education and she talked about all the factual, scientific, medical stuff about sex and we learned lots from her. Seriously, look her up and find her videos.
specifically Chinese women … people said that they had a vaginal canal that was like a corkscrew and it was really hard to get in there.
I think thats a uh… duck.
A Peking duck?
A succulent Peking duck?!
Yes. Asian women are a witches, because they float like a duck and have corkscrew vagina like ducks and also feathers like ducks and all the things they say are really incomprehensible and just sounds like the same phoneme over and over again and are much shorter than us Europeans and their lips are really thin and long and firm and oh my god I think I need to break up with my girlfriend what have I done
Who are You, Who are so Wise in the Ways of Science?
Are you gonna go look for a duck?
No she went north for summer I just did it over text.
No, its the other way. The duck penis is shaped like a corkscrew. But it also has a barb at the end, so when it pulls out, it rips open the female ducks genitals.
The best word to describe duck sex is…horrific. Truely the stuff of nightmares. If you’re ever in a meadow, and a giant duck penis starts chasing you? You need a gun. That would put me in therapy.
That sounds like a bad way to ensure the survival of your offspring?
and a giant duck penis starts chasing you? You need a gun
so it’s suicide?
because if it’s a giant duck penis you might need a rocket launcher. or autocannon.
I remember one conversation when I was about eight and some older kid telling us that the number of thrusts you made when you had sex was the number of children you would have. And for the longest time I believed that.
…soooooooo, you thought the default number of thrusts that 99% of men could accomplish was…one thrust?
And twins was when the guy made two whole thrusts?
Ok, lets forget sex, forget the internet, forget all of that. I think this is just reason we need to teach all kids critical thinking skills.
My parents got mad at me, because I asked my mom if inflation affected the tooth fairy. When she asked what I was talking about, I told her my two sisters only got 50 cents when they were kids. They’re 10 and 12 years older than me.
I was getting 1 dollar. And when I was trying to figure out why they got 50 cents, but I got a dollar, I remembered my dad always bitching about inflation. It made logical sense.
If you’re willing to accept the concept of selling your teeth to an unknown fairy, but notice a discrepency in pay, but also notice a 10 year gap, with your dad saying that inflation will kill your money over 10 years…then it’s logical to assume the tooth fairy corporation was affected by inflation,and had to start paying more for teeth, or else the kids wouldn’t sell them.
Then my sister told me it was actually the gender wage gap. And so I had to go ask my dad, at age 5, if I’m more valueable than my sisters, just because I have a penis. His response was “Yeah. Obviously.”
Mom was not happy with that reaction. You’ll not be surprised to know my mom eventually left my dad. I’m not saying it was over this incident, but this incident kind of helps paint a picture to help you understand why my mom didn’t want to be with my dad anymore.
So then I got put in catholic school, and without knowing what sex was, began to ask the church if Mary had baby Jesus, through God, so God is the father, why wasn’t Peter pissed that his wife was having a baby with another man? My friends parents split up, because she had a baby from another man. Logically I thought Peter should have been pissed, but he wasn’t. So I asked why.
I got told to go to the principals office for being disrespectful.
I like you
Sue Johanson died three years ago!? Damn. How did I miss that? She’s the one who turned me onto The Multi Orgasmic Man. Sue was one of the greatest sex educators to ever live. Listening to her show was the first time I had ever heard sex spoken about as it should be, in plain language with zero judgement. RIP Sue.
Those penises look like they’ll be delicious after I hit them with me searzall
Gay sex, the virgin’s loophole
I do love posts like this. Like, yes, point how just how flippin ridiculous the argument sounds when you flip it around…as if it didn’t sound ridiculous enough as-is. Love it 😆
OHHH… Fucking hell, this was so close to what I’ve seen that I assumed this was completely sincere. Masterful satire.
Yes, it’s a satire of the incel “roastie” BS.
Yeah, that’s why I have a micro penis. All the sex I’ve had.
Prolly
Who is this dude?
It’s the melon fucker.
Yeah but that could be so many of us.
I mean, wait…
I hate it. No chick wants to date me due to my small and thin penis that has been worn down to a tiny stump from all the sexual partners ive had. They tell me its like throwing a sausage down a hallway 😭
Do it in the butt. 🤷♂️
That first penis looks extremely tight.
that explains a lot …
I should put some coal up there.
up where?!
that’s where I PEE!
Not right now, you don’t!
