…now see, you SAY funny. I think we have a difference of opinions on humor. You know what I find funny? You ever see that old video from the 90s of Donald Duck slumped down in his chair, getting a handjob from Daisey duck? And he can’t handle it. He’s all like “Ooooooweeeeee!!! Oh my gaaawwwwddddddd!!! Playin wit ma balls! Playin wit ma balls!!! Oooooooh!!!”

And then he just cums EVERYWHERE, and it’s all drippy on Daiseys face. She’s just kneeling there, with a shocked look on her face, and Donald says “I’ll go get you a towel!”

I found that funny. Not so much national corruption, bribery, and internet security fraud.

Uhhhhhh, the greatest generation are all dead. My grandma was in that generation. She was 103 when she died. She’d be 106 today.

There might be a small scattering of the youngest of them, but 99% of them are dead.

What if my political spectrum isn’t on the spectrum at all.

Right wing wants to ban all abortion. Left wing wants all requested abortion to be legal.

Whereas I want mandatory abortion on all pregnancies. I’m not pro-life. I’m not pro-choice. I’m pro-death. Everybody dies!

I also fully support nuking cities, but only as a means of killing all humans. It’s not a political or religious statement.

Actually, can we invent nukes that kill all the humans, but don’t affect the animals? I’m ok with life on earth, just as long as that life isn’t human. Cats are cool. They just look at humans, and judge them, and enslave them. If only they had opposable thumbs, they could take over the world.

As it stands the dominant species on this planet is so dumb it hates other members of it’s own species, just for being a darker shade skin. Or for believing in a different theoretical invisable man in the sky.

And why’s God/Allah/whomever always depicted as male? Why would an omnipresent spirit have genitals at all? Yeah, choke on that. If God did exist, it’s trans by default. And for all you know God and Allah are the same, in the same way that manzanas and apples are the same thing. Jose is eating a manzana, and Bob is eating an apple. Corporate wants you to find the difference in these pictures.

And can we get a government policy that takes a firm stance on vampires? Not ONE government has a prewritten policy on the matter! You can’t convince me Batman isn’t a vampire!

So, lets start a tax system where all of the residents force feed the president bird seed until he throws up, and then use eugenics to create cats capable of mind control. That’s my political stance, and no candidates represent me! These are the flaws in a two party system. There’s a very significant chance that neither party has your best interest at heart.

Can’t get enough of that sugar crisp…keeps me going strong (to kill all the humans)

Homes eats his gf’s clit.

“So, what did you think?”

“Golden delicious!”

“What?”

“That’s what kind of apple that was.”

“…what?”

I wish they had.

I am shocked. SHOCKED I say.

…not that shocked actually.

Ok…this can’t be real. You’re telling me trump is just waiting by the window, watching all the cars go by, then gets excited when a car pulls up the driveway?

I mean, I do that when I’m stoned, but I don’t have a whole team of secret services and whomever on staff to answer the door for me.

For that matter, why did he use doordash at all? What if the delivery driver had a gun? A LOT of people want trump dead. Though I can’t say I’d be surprised if I read the headline “Trump assasinated by McDonalds delivery driver. J.D. Vance cluelessly now president.”

ballsy

I see what you did there.

If I were mcdonalds, I’d sue him. Then put out the next wave of marketing.

“McDonalds! We’re not for pedophiles.”

You could even write a little jingle.

“We don’t diddle kids! It’s no good diddling kids…”

Oh thank god. For a while there I thought I was stuck on this planet with assholes like elon musk, and trump.

Ok, so, this new planet we’re going to…do they have bacon? Or should we find some left leaning farmers to bring some pigs for breeding?

Look, I’m excited to leave this hellhole called earth, but, c’mon. We gotta bring bacon.

But we don’t have to bring pedophiles, or fascists. That’s why we’re leaving earth to begin with.

Chevron 3 encoded

…am I doing it right? What’s a chevron? Did I do a thing?

I’m only 50/50 sure this is meme. I could be completely wrong. And that’s sad. Not the idea of this being real, (although that’s sad for a whole list of reasons if true), but because it COULD be true.

As a teenager/young adult I DESPISRD george w bush. As bad as he was, as stupid as he was, if you showed me this meme in 2004, and it was coming from bush, I’d KNOW it was a meme. And a pretty bad one at that. Actually twitter didn’t exist back then, nor did the word “meme”, but you get my point. It’s too far gone to be bush. Bush actually (mostly) coherant sentences. It never felt like bush went off the deep end.

So now we live in the sad reality that THIS collection of words is easily judged as insanity manifested, but it’s not easily cast aside as something the guy who controls the nukes wouldn’t say. That’s who’s in charge right now.

And it’s sad.

Sad that he said this, and it’s 100% real. Go check his truth social posts. It’s still up.

…you’re a guy??? I’ve been picturing you as a 23 year old lesbian with purple hair, and 327 charm bracelets, but not worn on your wrists.

So you’re saying Neil Armstrong licked a lot of clit?

I don’t know what to do with this information.

Can I interest you in a goat car?

Have they considered flying to Virginia, finding the IRS HQ, robbing 1,870 different IRS agents of $1 each, and then paying the fine?

Yeah, but see here’s the thing. I don’t care what those people say. I’m not legally obligated to give a shit what they think of me.

Whereas with HOAs, if they think your door handle is the wrong color, you get fined. And it’s legally binding.

But these fuckwits on facebook and whatever the fuck other apps, can eat my entire asshole, as I give them the finger.

The thing about birds is, they have no sphincter. Meaning, they can’t “close” their butthole.

So whenever they feel the need to poop, there is a 100% chance that whatever is below them gets pooped on.

You are never safe from being pooped on if a bird is above you. The most unrealistic thing about pirates is that their shoulders aren’t full of poop stains.

You can trust meeeeeeeee! What’s your first pets maiden name?

Funny? Or depressing?