My manager refused to get us a new fridge for our lunches when the ancient one we had died. 10K bonus a year though, she collected that.
in this economy
We’re Highly competitive:
[image of paycheck]hey, thats more than at my current job.
I can smell the microwaved fish and burnt popcorn from here.
Reminds me of an episode of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law which lists the benefits of the workplace. I couldn’t find the clip, but from memory:
- Toilet paper allowance
- Chairs (for earners)
- Subsidized pens
- Air (for earners)
- Unrestricted internal phone calls
- Remnants of meeting muffins
- Stairs
- A mostly pest-free environment
- Complimentary tickets to already free events
- Bikram Filing
- Take your mistress to work day
- Emergency Exits (senior staff only)
Thank you so much for reminding me that this existed, as a reward I found the video for you. https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x440810
I like you.
Air (for earners)
And all the other get what smokers exhale in the room?
Oh right, that’s the definition of “Air” now.
Our “competitive raises”, AKA below inflation raises!
Just add a few potatoes and some meat…
Woah woah woah, there’s still plenty of meat on that bone.
In France we have a meme where “public transport funding” or “health insurance” are listed as benefits, except they are mandatory according to the laws. Haha :(
It’s like saying “paying our taxes” or “getting a salary” is listed as a benefit.
Do you mean “funding” like they pay for the transit pass or funding like they pay taxes?
They pay for at least 50% of your transit pass
Damn that’s an amazing deal compared to having to find 100% of my own transit costs
Well, it’s part of your gross salary, so you end up paying it yourself indirectly.
Not to mention it’s also cumbersome and bureaucratic. Though subsidizing public transport is a good idea, I wasn’t a big fan of this implementation when I worked in France. It would be much more efficient to just subsidize local transport tickets directly, or just make it free of charge and save even more unnecessary costs in handling tickets, hiring ticket inspectors, etc.
This happens in Australia with the mandatory pension contributions.
“Our amazing competitive salary package will meet mandatory minimum requirements”
Don’t forget the free “coffee” from a coffee blend you’ve never heard of in your life that exclusively comes in 1lb commercial tins, and does unquestionable internal damage for every cup you drink.
I’m lucky in that my corpo superauto coffee machine is stocked with a local midsize specialty roaster’s espresso blend. It would be decent if the machine was (and was cleaned), but I still end up drinking about 10 espressos (mostly decaf). Come to think of it, that’s another good reason not to buy an espresso machine for at home.
God, if you gave me a couple hours to deep clean that machine, it would make my fucking day.
If only companies would pay for that, I would love to visit two or three corporate parks a day and have that be my job.
We need an app that hooks up people who like deep cleaning random things with folks who have those things. This is what the gig economy should be like, tbh
You me the full of nuts coffee? Disgusting
Chock? I think it’s a New York City thing…
Your places of work are providing a coffee machine? Someone was nice enough to buy one for the break room, and everyone who partakes in the break room coffee rotates who buys the next can/bag of it.
We previously had this microwave with 0-9 buttons that set it for a totally arbitrary amount of time. You didn’t enter a number of minutes and seconds and press Start. If you pressed 2, you got 30 seconds. 3 gave you a minute. 4 gave you 3 minutes. None of it made sense.
The founder of the company that currently employs me bought some, apparently, crazy espresso machine for the break room (I don’t drink coffee or espresso or anything like that, so I don’t know what made it so special).
However, when he sold the company, his one requirement (beyond the expected) was that he be permitted to take the machine with him.
Kinda makes sense, a nice espresso machine can cost over $10,000. I was thinking about getting one, but I would’ve needed to share expenses with someone. Then I was like “what if I made coffee and sold it to pay for the machine?” And then I realized I had just reinvented… the café.
That microwave is far too clean
They aren’t going to use a current picture. Getting close enough would expose them to the smells.
They don’t even bother with great anymore. It’s all “competitive salary and competitive benefits”. The highest they’re aiming is matching the average.
That’s why I really hate the “competitive” buzzword. It’s like, alright… let’s say it’s a competition. Are you winning it? Because I can certainly compete against Michael Phelps at swimming, but that doesn’t mean I’m any good.
What they don’t wanna tell you is that they’re all competing for “as low as they can get away with.”
“HmMmMmm quite competitive! Yyyyeeess!!”
I recently became a corporate sellout after a lengthy stint in science. I do get a bit higher salary, but what struck me most is how much less competitive this environment is.
Yeah academia can be pretty cutthroat. It’s weird. I loved lots of parts of being in school, but when my advisor started trying to weaponize my personal relationships with other professors so that he could be the new department chair I was like “hahaha just kidding! I’m going to become a carpenter, have a good one forever.”
My company just got rid of the water cooler… it was apparently a subscription service costing the business $75 USD a week.
Last year our company attempted a merger the CEO and shareholders wanted but was pretty derided by industry experts and would challenge nearly century old Federal anti-trust regulations. We were almost immediately sued to stop the merger and its now been paused for more than a year, costing the company interest payments on the loans we took out to pay for it.
So far this year they downsized a whole department eliminating seven jobs including a middle manager type role, told us in not so many words that we were entering a period of deferred maintenance, and that corporate would be reevaluating cost of living adjustments for next year… the board is still planning stock buy backs and shareholder dividend payouts.
Management told us we have to cut back on “little luxuries” to which someone asked how the fuck water was a luxury. The economy is doing great!
I used to work as a contractor at the Comcast Center in Philadelphia. One day my boss (at my contracting company) came by and said we were going to a meeting with Time Warner Cable execs. I reached for my coat but he stopped me; we rode the elevator up to the 16th floor where Time Warner Cable had a suite of offices … in the Comcast Center. A year or two later they announced plans for a merger of the two companies, which was somehow and mystifyingly stopped by the FCC. Like, they’d already merged essentially.
I don’t understand why you would have a water cooler in the first place.
just put a fountain in?
It pulled water from the tap instead of a bottle and had a filter, plus it had hot and cold options. It was a nice water cooler, but I wouldn’t have called it a luxury and never thought it could cost $75 a week.
that costs about $125 if bought new. but the rental company should be cleaning it regularly for that price.
ah okay, so it was plumbed in. carry on
around here I’ve only ever referred to “cooler” as something that uses a tank.
now, even a water dispenser that doesn’t have a fountain is still called a fountain… unless it actually has a chiller, in which case it’s back to a fountain
a water dispenser that doesn’t have a fountain is still called a fountain… unless it actually has a chiller, in which case it’s back to a fountain
So it’s a fountain unless it has a chiller, in which case it’s a fountain? 🤔
oops. I’ve been having a lot of brain farts lately
The economy is doing great!
It is doing great. Just not for us little people.
Lucky one.
Minimum effort for maximum expectations.
Or even: lots of free snacks! But a voice in company decisions, or notice before termination? No no, that doesn’t increase ROI.
