Our “competitive raises”, AKA below inflation raises!
Reminds me of an episode of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law which lists the benefits of the workplace. I couldn’t find the clip, but from memory:
- Toilet paper allowance
- Chairs (for earners)
- Subsidized pens
- Air (for earners)
- Unrestricted internal phone calls
- Remnants of meeting muffins
- Stairs
- A mostly pest-free environment
- Complimentary tickets to already free events
- Bikram Filing
- Take your mistress to work day
- Emergency Exits (senior staff only)
Thank you so much for reminding me that this existed, as a reward I found the video for you. https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x440810
We’re highly competitive
So you pay me more than the competitor?
No - they compete with all the others to see who can get away with paying the least.
Mine lists “there is a lake nearby that you can walk around in your lunch break” as a benefit.
Mine has a view of the sky from the parking lot. Sometimes it’s blue.
You do not want to know the situation in these airport ready rooms. Black mold has been sighted in the fridge/freezer, the ceilings are gross, the chairs are crumbling, and the water cooler hasn’t been checked in at least 10 years.
The pay sucks too.
I like it when they put in perks things that are legally mandated. Oh wow this job comes with a pension, what a progressive company.
My current job (school bus driver) has a pension, which is the first of any job I’ve ever had in my life (and I’m almost 60). It’s another 5 years before I’m vested and get the pension, and I’m not sure I would bet on the job not having been replaced by AI before then. Hopefully not, since the pension would allow me to afford the brand-name dog food.
I generally try not to make hard and fast predictions like this because really who knows? But I’m pretty confident that school bus drivers aren’t going to be replaced by AI within five years.
Mine promised a water filter 2 years ago and they put the feed pipe in last week.
mine honestly does have good benefits though, £800/year pro-rata budget, and 30 days paid holiday
Sometimes the restrooms at my office are stocked with two ply toilet paper, instead of the one ply sandpaper stuff.
I challenge anyone to top that benefit.
Funny story, our company made a lot of money off of covid and they decided it was a great idea to purchase a floor at another building across the street just for VPs and execs. Cool. Once they left our bathrooms had the worst 1 ply toilet paper imaginable. Like you had to grab it gently and slowly pull otherwise it just ripped. Even doing this was still 50/50. Well bad decisions led to that floor being shutdown after only 2 years and they had to move back in with us. Immediately the toilet paper went back to the good stuff again. The fact that they treated TP as a luxery item and can’t seem to afford the nicer stuff for everyone always made me wanna flick them off so bad. Jokes on all of us though since that fuckup was so bad we just found out the entire company was purchased and almost without a doubt we will all lose our jobs next year once finalized. Thanks a lot execs, you did an amazing job like usual.
They don’t even bother with great anymore. It’s all “competitive salary and competitive benefits”. The highest they’re aiming is matching the average.
That’s why I really hate the “competitive” buzzword. It’s like, alright… let’s say it’s a competition. Are you winning it? Because I can certainly compete against Michael Phelps at swimming, but that doesn’t mean I’m any good.
What they don’t wanna tell you is that they’re all competing for “as low as they can get away with.”
“HmMmMmm quite competitive! Yyyyeeess!!”
I recently became a corporate sellout after a lengthy stint in science. I do get a bit higher salary, but what struck me most is how much less competitive this environment is.
Lucky one.
Forgot the 30 year old coffee maker, you have to bring your own beans tho
My manager refused to get us a new fridge for our lunches when the ancient one we had died. 10K bonus a year though, she collected that.
Minimum effort for maximum expectations.
My company just got rid of the water cooler… it was apparently a subscription service costing the business $75 USD a week.
Last year our company attempted a merger the CEO and shareholders wanted but was pretty derided by industry experts and would challenge nearly century old Federal anti-trust regulations. We were almost immediately sued to stop the merger and its now been paused for more than a year, costing the company interest payments on the loans we took out to pay for it.
So far this year they downsized a whole department eliminating seven jobs including a middle manager type role, told us in not so many words that we were entering a period of deferred maintenance, and that corporate would be reevaluating cost of living adjustments for next year… the board is still planning stock buy backs and shareholder dividend payouts.
Management told us we have to cut back on “little luxuries” to which someone asked how the fuck water was a luxury. The economy is doing great!
I used to work as a contractor at the Comcast Center in Philadelphia. One day my boss (at my contracting company) came by and said we were going to a meeting with Time Warner Cable execs. I reached for my coat but he stopped me; we rode the elevator up to the 16th floor where Time Warner Cable had a suite of offices … in the Comcast Center. A year or two later they announced plans for a merger of the two companies, which was somehow and mystifyingly stopped by the FCC. Like, they’d already merged essentially.
I don’t understand why you would have a water cooler in the first place.
just put a fountain in?
It pulled water from the tap instead of a bottle and had a filter, plus it had hot and cold options. It was a nice water cooler, but I wouldn’t have called it a luxury and never thought it could cost $75 a week.
that costs about $125 if bought new. but the rental company should be cleaning it regularly for that price.
ah okay, so it was plumbed in. carry on
around here I’ve only ever referred to “cooler” as something that uses a tank.
now, even a water dispenser that doesn’t have a fountain is still called a fountain… unless it actually has a chiller, in which case it’s back to a fountain
a water dispenser that doesn’t have a fountain is still called a fountain… unless it actually has a chiller, in which case it’s back to a fountain
So it’s a fountain unless it has a chiller, in which case it’s a fountain? 🤔
oops. I’ve been having a lot of brain farts lately
