I’m not sure if yours sounds worse than mine - I guess it depends on the metric - but they both seem pretty awful.

Family Guy is on your side, too.

Star Trek glory guy.

I’ve always loved the Unix wizard poster.

Where I grew up, driving school was mandatory before being eligible for a license.

I ended up going to two. The first one, the instructor advocated disregarding caution and just trusting in the universe to take care of you (not exactly how she phrased it). At one point some state representative came in; the instructor, apparently forewarned, told the class that she would be teaching differently the day the representative was there and that we shouldn’t comment on it.

When my mom found out, she took me out and put me in a better known school, then demanded a refund from the first one. The instructor sent her a copy of her contract, highlighting a phrase that was something like “no refund under any conditions.”

A few months later, that school was no longer open.

I would have set a turkey on their ottoman, personally.

This was also the content of a Dilbert strip.

For what it’s worth, this also works well if you want to lie to yourself about how much weight you’ve gained.

That’s probably not the healthiest approach, though.

As an alternative, I once was wearing a no name brand one of these at work and it simply broke. I spent the rest of the day with an extension cord tied around my waist. It was also adjustable and, as a bonus, all of my customers of the day got a kick out of it.

Fair enough, just don’t forget to tie an onion to your belt.

Happy to be of service, but I feel like calling Grandpa Simpson (or Abe if you prefer) “the old Simpsons man” is doing him a disservice.

Broccoli guy rules!

6-7 is a thing kids say these days, apparently. Like 69, 420, etc.; except so far as I’ve seen 6-7 is the height of a popular basketball player, a reference to a rap song, or possibly both.

I’m not going to attack it because I’ve made plenty of dumb references, but I don’t know enough to justify this one. My kid is too young to say this and I have no other connection to modern youth culture.

I’m not sure how the numbers connect to the image.

My life so far with my wife is for sure something I would describe as winning.

I’ve a '79 Corvette. The first night I met my wife, I took her for a ride in it to the local Waffle House.

I guess it worked; she married me eight years later.

edit: I messed up my math. It was ten years later. Don’t tell her I said this, okay, guys?

Everyone loves their own brand, but I’ve not really enjoyed them in general.

Yeah.

All I know is that they smelled good.

I thought Pinky was a rat, but apparently he’s a mouse. In either case, not a mole rat.

Also, wow, there’s so much more information than I anticipated in that article.

The part of that book I remember after all these years is that at one point his parents were like “fine” and moved in with him. I read it when I was young enough to not realize it was fictitious, but that part always seemed odd to me.

I didn’t know (until I opened your wiki link just now) that there were sequels.

I have nothing funny to say, but I admire the cleverness of your contribution and appreciate your defense of me.