• Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.caEnglish
    0·
    20 hours ago

    But she’s sleeping peacefully so I smile and close the door quietly hoping she’ll wake up feeling refreshed and well-rested.

    • late_pessimistic@slrpnk.netEnglish
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      16 hours ago

      I downvoted because I hate people talking about romantic relationships experiences like everyone has or had one. And overall reminding me in any way romantic love exists

      • NepGinger@lemy.nlNederlands
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        12 hours ago

        It’s not. Looking at my handsome man sleeping naked would make me sad to leave. I like it if my boyfriend doesn’t want to go because he thinks I’m too sexy to leave. It has happened that a partner called in sick because I was in his bed.

        He woke me up for sexy times. In each of these situations, the other has been woken up for sexy times. All of this is normal within a relationship. Instantly thinking of rape within a relationship is weird, to say the least.

        • orioler25@lemmy.world
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          22 hours ago

          I think that’s how men are reading it, yeah, but it reads to me like, “oh boy, I sure want to fuck my hot sleeping gf rn, but I gotta do workies :(” I know the demos on this site means most people are going to read it as “I don’t want to work, and my hot sleeping gf is comforting,” and even that is honestly fucked up and objectifying.

            • orioler25@lemmy.world
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              21 hours ago

              While they’re unconscious and not in a sexual situation? Yeah, I’m gonna wokeify a meme making light of the assumptions men make about this situation. Lemmites respond very negatively when I point out rape culture on here, and as I said, that isn’t surprising given the userbase.

              • boonhet@sopuli.xyz
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                10 hours ago

                What rape culture in this case? If I saw my gf (not that I have one right now) sleeping with her legs open and a titty out, I’d find it hot and endearing (in a she’s comfortable enough with me to sleep like that kinda way), and perhaps I’d go back to bed to cuddle with her till she wakes up on her own and see if said cuddling leads to morning sexytime. And I’d be extra horny from being awake in close contact with her (mostly or completely) naked body so it would be even better (or I might have to go jack off in the toilet if it doesn’t happen). Has happened a couple of times, mostly when waking up to go to pee or something, not when I needed to go to work obviously.

                I don’t think any man who’s not already way too OK with rape would just straight up go to town on a woman in her sleep without it being agreed upon before. Fantasizing about her and actually doing something about it while she’s sleeping are very different things.

                Of the women I’ve been with, one explicitly said she’s okay with being woken up with sex (I didn’t ask her about it or anything, she just saw me all horny in the morning so I somewhat jokingly said “oh I was tempted to take you while you were sleeping” or something and she got upset that I hadn’t), and one said she’s into it, but our relationship was pretty fresh and she didn’t explicitly say she wants me to do it, so I didn’t take it as consent as much as just her talking about what she liked or had fantasized about.

                With the former I actually did it a couple of times, but soon realized that while her waking up suddenly to an orgasm was fun for both of us, the journey there is much more enjoyable if both parties are awake for it. With the latter, our relationship didn’t last long enough (unrelated reasons) for me to even consider bringing it up for real.

              • Signtist@bookwyr.meEnglish
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                21 hours ago

                So I’m not trying to argue, but I want to better understand what it means to objectify someone. Is this rapey because the SO isn’t consciously choosing to appear attractive? Is attraction to someone only acceptable if they are actively aware and desiring for such reception, even if you’re not otherwise interacting with them, and are in a relationship with them? It’s honestly not something I’ve thought about much when it comes to people in an existing comfortable relationship where consent is generally always present for normal interactions unless expressly revoked.

                Like, when I look at my wife I think she’s attractive, often even moreseo when she’s not doing anything special to appear attractive. She seems to appreciate this, so I don’t believe it would be something bad, but I don’t really know. I know I would want her to feel the same way about me, but again, I suppose that very desire might be a form of consent that isn’t necessarily established in the meme. Is it rapey because we don’t specifically know that she wants to appear attractive to her SO? Is that not something we can at least assume in a relationship between 2 people we otherwise know nothing about?

                Again, I’m just trying to better understand because it’s not something I’d considered before your comment. I can definitely understand someone wanting to be sure that consent is established, but I also know that when you’re in a relationship with someone for months/years, those conversations about consent fall away after you both know in and out what the other is okay with. Or are you saying that even that is too far, and it should always be discussed every time, even when full trust is established?

                • orioler25@lemmy.world
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                  20 hours ago

                  Okay, so some good questions here that I’m glad to see on Lemmy.

                  So, objectification is one of those things I think men get more anxious about because they typically have less intuitive, lived experiences to understand where those boundaries ought to be assumed. Objectification is not itself inherently wrong; we are objectified when we have an assigned number for our driver’s license, and we often want to be sexually objectified by our partners, as you pointed out

                  People tend to be uncomfortable with the reality that the wrongness of objectification is something negotiated, not statically defined with clear lines that you could show in court. In one of my other comments, I said that this element is not necessarily an issue depending on the relationship. Yes, people have those discussions throughout a relationship (ideally), and if this was something established as appropriate, that isn’t much of an issue.

                  However, this is not two people in a relationship, this is an internet meme whose legibility is dependent on the assumptions and shared values of an audience. So, in that context, the fact that it is expected that so many of you wouldn’t take issue with this (and didn’t) is the problem. Women’s bodies are sexually objectified culturally, which means non-sexual contexts or attributes of their bodies are constructed as sexual, i.e. when men peep on their feet like they’re genetalia publicly, or when nakedness alone is considered sexual, despite that not being the case. Combined with the nuances of negotiated consent and the cultural norms of hetero relationships, that also means many (or most) cishet men do not even think about explicit consent when they’re met with a situation like what is depicted in this meme, like what you just admitted to.

                  Though this can often lead to harm – like being a bit rapey online and forcing women to see that most men don’t worry about their consent – that doesn’t mean that all men are bad because they were socialized a particular way, since it is something that can be resolved through communication and recognition. That most men, this site included, often react indignantly at the notion that they’re engaging in sexual violence even though they followed the rules, shows us that this is by no means a small issue. When I say “rape culture,” this refers to the prevalent cultural norms like this that, while not normalizing sexual assault explicitly, accept constructions of women, sex, and relationships that are conducive to devaluing women and their ability to give consent; therefore normalizing sexual violence.

                  So, yes, this is not inherently wrong in the context of an actual relationship with healthy boundaries, communication, and respect, but is harmful in the context of an internet meme that does not consider the possibility of harm in its messaging, and whose audience by and large holds such consideration in contempt as an indictment of their moral character.

            • orioler25@lemmy.world
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              21 hours ago

              Oh wow, that’s genuinely funny to use a common gaslighting tactic right below this comment (“you’re weird if you ‘assume’ dangerous behaviour”). This form of sexual violence is still super common, and most men still don’t challenge the assumed consent of a relationship; all of that of course besides the fact that they’re sexualizing her body in a non-sexual situation, which is just a bit of a problem on its own (but not necessarily depending on the relationship).

              So, yeah, it’s a bit rapey, and as I said, since this site is mostly youngish to middle-aged STEM men, that isn’t what these people are going to read from it even though it is present.

  • Im_old@lemmy.worldEnglish
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    1 day ago

    “boss I’m going to be late. There’s a… hum… leak in the heating system I need to take care of”

  • Pat_Riot@lemmy.today
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    1 day ago

    You’re sad that she’s so comfortable with you that you get to receive such a lovely view? Carry that image with you all day. Damn.