I went years not eating these because of the terror and anxiety of having to open one. And one day by chance (dropped it in the sink that had water in it.) I found the secret to not getting the piss scared out of you.
Here it is. These cans are cardboard. Cardboard disintegrates in water.
If you peel back just a little of the paper. And sit it in a bowl, Make sure the side you peeled is facing down. and pour in a little water.
Then quickly leave the room or put it in your fridge or something. And in a minute or two it will pop open. And you will hear it from a safe distance. And you will be okay.
I always enjoyed opening them as a kid. The pop was just as satisfying as a jack in the box, plus in a few minutes there’d be hot biscuits.
Why? You just peel it a lil and give it a tiny tap it and it goes “pufffff”. Much satisfy.
I will happy open all of yours for you. I’m also immune to onions, so I will cut them if I get some of what you’re making
So if you peel it too much it will sometimes pop while peeling.
If you don’t peel it enough and wack it on the counter, it won’t pop. So then you try peeling it again.
Sometimes that will make it pop. Sometimes not.
It’s the unpredictability of the damn things.
Sounds like you’re doing too much peeling and not enough tapping
There’s a sweet spot like a ketchup bottle. It’s like 1/3 of the way down, you only have to peel it a little bit and tap the right spot onto the corner of the counter
I peel a little and then dig my thumb into the seam. I used to use a spoon, but it was too unpredictable. I used to be afraid that it would somehow hurt my thumb, but it just pops with a little poof of air and some noise. It was a hard fear to overcome, but fuck those biscuit cans, I’ll bite them bitches open now! (Not really bite though, that’s too much)
I applaud your tenacity to defeat the biscuit terror.
I know it’s a stupid fear. I know it’s illogical. The can can’t hurt me. Yet…
It’s like that puff of air at the eye doctor they use to check eye pressure.
I know it won’t hurt me. Yet I often blink (another reflex) and they have to do it more than once.
Oh I know exactly where you’re coming from, and it’s not a stupid fear (to me at least). It seems to be quite common; some of us are just a little more sensitive of those fears or think about it more?
It’s my own personal thing to stare at the things that scare me. I fucking hate being scared of the dark
Story Time: I was a toddler and my parents took me to a fireworks show. I had an absolute meltdown as they tried to get me out of the car, because the explosions scared the shit out of me. They pretended they would leave me in the car, and I didn’t give a fuck, I was scared and would happily stay there. So they pulled me out and carried me into the bleachers so we could watch (it’s supposed to be fun)
So I sat at the show, and I had my hands clamped against my ears, trying to escape the noise. My dad pried my hands off of my ears as fireworks were exploding… and I absolutely loved how loud and bright it was. The scary booms became delightful, and I loved it. It still sticks with me, how much I was about to miss because it was scary to me (and loud)
Though it does sound like my dad was being a dick (cause it was assholish)… I’m glad he got me to take a look that night, through hell or high water. It’s helped me to sit with a lot of “loud noises” throughout my life
A “thumb”, sure
If you absolutely must buy packaged biscuits, buy the bagged, frozen Walmart brand and thank me later. Bonus: no PTSD, aside from being vastly superior.
Sincerely,
A southerner who’s eaten my share of biscuits.
I don’t think I knew these existed. Thanks 👍
Great Value brand in the plastic bag, frozen little discs you just pop on a baking sheet. Used to be $5 but probably $6-$7 now for like two dozen and they’re in a totally different league.
That’s why we Germans call them “Knack & Back”. (Pop and bake could be the English equivalent)
I had to have a bunch of hardware installed in my hand after being involved in a workplace accident involving an explosion caused by compressed air.
I didn’t think it left anything but a physical mark until I opened a biscuit tin a couple months after recovery…Took about a year until opening crescent rolls and biscuit containers didn’t tickle the big PTSD nerve.
When my mom was a kid, the house next door exploded from a gas leak. Killed everyone inside and her trauma from that made her have to leave the room when I, the assigned can popper, popped one of these open. Same with balloons, anything with a loud, sudden noise.
PTSD is real, yo. That shit lasts a whole lifetime.
Luckily mine was fairly temporary, but for a good year or so I was pretty antsy around any kind of compressed gas.
I love grabbing the ripcord like a safety pin and letting it go off like an adorable little gernard.
The problem I have with those isn’t the pop (though that was startling at first), its that every single one ive tried has entirely the wrong taste and texture for biscuits. Especially the taste, those always seem to taste so sweet at to be almost like cake, when, to me at least, biscuits should not be sweet at all unless jam or honey has been put on them.
Yeah, it’s carbs on carbs, no nutrients or fiber to be found. They’re really dangerous, I don’t allow myself to cook them because I’d probably eat the whole tube in one sitting
Yeah they definitely have added sugar
Just grow the fuck up
Calm down Steve.
Classic Steve
I remember once one popped in my car on the way home from the store. I thought I’d been shot at.
I remember reading a story about someone that called 911 for their car thinking they had been shot and their brain was leaking out. Turned out some biscuits had violently popped, threw one at the back of their head, and when it hit they instinctively grabbed for it, and were holding the biscuit against their head, convinced it was their brain matter.
It was purported as true at the time, but I have a lot of doubts – probably just one of the many urban legends that got passed around last century.
I’ve heard this one too I think
I fucking hate these things. Back in the day, you used a spoon and knew when it would pop. Who the fuck decided my biscuits should include a jump scare? Fuck whichever designer made me afraid of biscuits.
Your “back in the day” was after these had been around for a decade and they started doing the spoon thing to open them. They started out as little grandes.
Yeah I think technically you are still supposed to use the spoon. But sometimes it would pop before you tried the spoon.
I just use water now and run into the other room to hide.
Wait… Does no one else give them a tppy tap? They’re not scary if you’re the one actively making them pop
This was explicitly marketed as a no spoon thing, where you just peel the tab(?). It pops when it pops.
e: isn’t that the yellow string to the right in your picture?
Maybe it depends on the brand.?
Or time frame?
Maybe they used to require a spoon but now are “spoon free”.
Or maybe the spoon free wrap is proprietary. So only the pilsbury ones are spoon free while the generic ones I buy, are not.
?
Edit- okay so I have a can in my fridge. Its aldi brand.
Says to use spoon.
I think they reintroduced the ‘manual’ kind after a while, might have been limited or geographically bound. Not sure, but I expect they’re somewhat smart.
My experience is from the 90s-2000s. I haven’t used them in a while.
I have no idea what the thing on the right is. Never saw it around here in europe.
Imagine bread dough, but it’s more like a slightly pressurized paste in a cardboard tube
I’m pretty sure most Europeans would burn you at the stake for crimes against bread
It’s premade dough that cooks into biscuits. But not the cookie sweet kind.
American biscuits which are mostly just butter and flour. They are pretty good fresh. Like muffins but get dry and stale fast. Like muffins.
Part of the prep (if you are making home made,) is rolling the dough out and layering/folding it over and over.
So the biscuits pull apart easily. Like in the direction of hamburger buns. Making it easy to turn them into little breakfast sandwiches.
Where I’m from, in the Midwest, it’s very popular to eat them with sausage gravy. Just the biscuits and gravy. Nothing else.
Used to be cheap to make at home and even cheap at restaurants.
A lot of (all?) 24 hr tuck stop restersunts serve them. So it’s also popular with drunk people at 3 am.
(Truck stop restaurants are usually small dinners attached to gas stations. Usually outside city limits. That are open 24 hrs to serve truckers. But also popular with night people. Sometimes they even have showers. )
As long as you do it down the middle of the cardboard and not at the ends so the metal cap can fly off and smack you, there’s nothing to fear. I just crack 'em against the corner of the counter top like an egg.
I don’t possess your bravery.
Would you like to play a game?
Omg.
No. I would not.
I always wanted to take this and Operation apart to find a way of combining them to make the “punishment” of failing Perfection more intense. I never had Operation and thought it actually shocked you.
Sure, we can add red lights and a harsh buzzer to Perfection. Let’s just go for full sensory terror!
a laser studded disco ball descends from the ceiling as a megaphone blares out:
“WEEWOOOWEEWOO LOSER! YOU’RE A LOSER!”
eyelid twitches
Why wouldn’t they make a product with a built in way of forcing you to use it? Diabolical really.
If canned dough gives you PTSD, you know you can just make your own?
I know from personal experience that if you have ever been injured by an explosion, these do tend to be a little spicy to open for a while. Didn’t know I even had PTSD from my accident until I was suddenly made aware via biscuit tin months after my recovery.
I don’t like baking. And making anything with flour is a huge mess. Because I’m a messy bitch and that’s what what.
