Whatca shitty future.
Pretty soon we’ll have AI toilets for some reason. They’ll be able to send push notifications to your phone. I imagine a future where your toilet is hungry because you went on vacation and needs you to shit in it so bad.
“Feed me, daddy.”
And the app is only available on the Play store. Think about us deGoogled users!
“… for your convenience.”
And the app requires a non-jailbroken Apple or Android with strong play integrity plus photos of your face, your ID, and your shit to flush.
I’m normally a calm person. But this makes my blood boil.
Don’t laugh guys, this WILL happen in the near future
Fortunately, like brewing your own beer during the volstead act, a flush is basic enough to be able to do it yourself with a bit of string inside the cistern.
Also similar to the BMW heated seats nonsense.
Or a pot of water to the bowl
The older I get, the better I understand Archie Tuttle from Brasil.
And then they will sell that data to health insurance
The cool thing about the wifi-enabled model is you get the built in camera and microphone as standard
And the FBI thought having to watch people through their computer screens was a shitty job.
…more like a shit job.
$5.99 a month.
Double flush for only $10.00!
$19.99 a month for Unlimited flushes!
A higher tier gets you 5 unclogs a month and reduced ads!
plus all the data flows over their own server, therefore has 3 seconds latency, sometimes doesn’t work at all, and they retire the server after 5 years.
What’s with the pie
Long running Bizarro gag.
I’d be okay with this if I could integrate it with home assistant. Just poo, wipe, and go. If seat goes from detecting a user to not detecting a user for 30 seconds, then flush, wait 15 seconds, disperse air freshener aroma.
It can’t be through a company cloud system though, it’s got to be local only. My poo schedule is not for data collection! :p
You’re forgetting the cardinal rule of home automation. Everything must also work “normally” if HA were to go down.
Eh, that’s overrated. My HA server runs on RAID1 hotplug drives with multiple layers of UPS. It can survive multiple drive failures with zero downtime, even when physically replacing the drives.
I’m more interested in evading the online only cloud dependent bullshit many devices have.
How does the system handle skid marks?
Also add a camera directed at the butthole to save water if it was poop or no. Also to show a progressbar of how things r going. Just make sure to stream the video unencrypted to the cloud.
It can’t be through a company cloud system though, it’s got to be local only.
Sorry, the best we can do is only having one data breach every six months, and the toilet refusing to flush if the internet ever goes out.
Or at least instead of a handle, there’s a capacitive slidey thing.
Why a pipe and slice of cake?
