1 hour and 41 minutes is a sleep cycle! Plan it right, you’ll wake feeling refreshed!

I don’t see what you did there

“Today is my Null Smoothie Day!”

Slight inconvenience?

Yeah, but you could own a piece of the True Cross!

Perhaps someone with electronics knowledge could have it surreptitiously wired so a hidden battery produces heat along the frame (activated just before the miraclee leaves), and the person who ultimately moves it is startled by it being hot to the touch?

That’s the international symbol for The Washing Machine Has Completed Its Washing Cycle. It means the crew and passengers will be arriving at shore with clean, spiffy, fresh-smelling duds.

His hospital toilet kink

What was the GDP for fucking Columbia in 1997?

($127.4 billion for those interested)

fug ditches, spen runny

I know skim milk is just regular milk with water added to thin it out. At least, that’s what it tastes like.

Is that from season 3 of The Next Great Artist?

This must be where David Miscavige’s wife is!

I nearly had 100 friends. All I needed was 100 more friends.

Could’ve been, “Thank God, you found a promising opportunity. Hope it goes well”.

100% of Americans popping off a brisk fart could beat Donald Trump in a fight. The breeze would knock him over, and he wouldn’t be able to get back up. A fence would be erected around him … it could even have his name on it! And he could watch all the people just walk on by, mystified as to why nobody was helping him.

I hope talking about this doesn’t take up too much time at tonight’s Antifa meeting. We’re having a potluck after, and Roxanne always brings her amazing Mac ‘n’ Cheese!

I thought he already did that by calling Democrats ‘domestic terrorists’.

Wendy. Wendy Crabs.

Millions of years from now, they tell each other tales of the brief flicker of time when primates with delusions of grandeur captured them and drained them of their blood. But the primates aren’t around anymore. Nothing is, besides the horseshoe crab, watching the remains of the oceans dry up, as the sun grows larger and larger in the sky.