“My daughter tried using this in her Bad Dragon donkey-sized dildo and made a huge mess. She was so embarrassed that she tried to clean it up herself and missed a bunch of spots. The damn house still smells like a cheesemonger’s stale fart from where this milk seeped into the corners of the carpet. Worked great though, looked just like cum. 4/5 stars.”

I’m not even joking, it tastes like water half the time where I live in the supply chain, and sometimes it’s just a little sour. So inconsistent.

I’d like it better if its entire existence couldn’t literally be a prop in a dystopia novel. Ruthlessly exploiting malnourished cows and their calves, watered down to pad profits, jugged in plastic, extorting ungodly amounts of land and water resources, sold by a corporation that has a bigger bottom line than most sovereign nations, sold to the impoverished and brainwashed masses that fuel the very destruction of the only planet we fucking have.

That, and it’s 2%. Whole milk or no milk, and I will die on that hill.

1 star: it failed to properly cleanse me when I used it for an enema.

“This product gave me horrible diahhrea for several months and I fear my wife & kids will never view me the same way again. I am a changed man, and have seen the other side, and what stared back was not pretty”

4 stars.

I bought this milk two weeks ago. Once the arduino was installed I fired up the python console and it worked well. The jug is a little flimsy so it doesn’t supper that many computers but it was fine until the fire.

Drinking tit milk from a cow is BESTIALITY. That’s why I only drink human milk. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Milk! Fuck yeah!!

Farmers, allegedly, have no way of ensuring that cow faeces does not enter the product at the milking stage and if the general public were to find out about it it could have an annihilating impact on the dairy market at large. Fortunately, I have not detected this issue in any way with this particular bottle. 5 stars.

Boo Trump and America boo boo America sucks boo boo capitalism boo

Too base

4/5 While I enjoyed this succulent excretion of bovine breasts, it did not bring the same joy from my youth of suckling from the source.

We noticed you’re interested in milk. Can we also interest you in other milk?

Used this milk instead of quark and my cheese cake was terrible 0/5

You know when you take that first spoonful of New England clam chowder and it’s like the universe whispers, “Slow down, buddy, you’re home now”? My family treated chowder like a sacred ritual…snowstorm outside, pot simmering inside, everyone pretending not to notice that my cousin Jimmy always stole the oyster crackers just to crush them up into fine cracker dust. And then use those as his own personal hacky sacks until the bags exploded.

You know when the steam fogs your glasses and suddenly you’re back in your grandparents’ kitchen, watching mammy stir the pot with the same wooden spoon that’s she’d had since before you were born? That spoon could have otherwise been a magic wand with the wonders she could prepare in that kitchen.

Sadly, mammy passed a few years back. Jimmy died a couple of days ago. OD’d on fentanyl; aspirated on a piece of potato from the chowder we had prepared together for lunch that day. He was looking pretty gaunt by then, and I thought cooking a big pot would bring back a little of the magic, like old times again.

Anyway, the rest of this gallon here still sits in my fridge. Aging day by day, slowly headed towards its expire date. Much like the rest of us. But maybe this review will be retained for some time long after. 5/5 - Rest well Jimmy, you’re home now. I miss you.