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He’s the one for sure
Dating apps are designed to keep you single forever.
I can’t imagine ever using one.
New town, made more friends in person, and have gotten laid more times, with people I met out and about.
But I’ve also made a couple of friends and gotten laid a few times from apps. Worth the $x a month, it’s less than one ticket to a good party or an evening’s worth of drinks at karaoke, and pays off at a similar rate per dollar, just more slowly.
(Unless you’re just looking for mediocre fumbling with someone who only cares about getting their dick off, then apps got ya)
Sometimes I wish I had a legit friend that I would actually like to fuck. That would be…something.
Unfortunately, none of them I’d like in that way.
You can still get lucky. I met my wife on Okcupid, but there was a ton of disappointment before then.
My cousin met his wife on tinder, he seems to regret that these days tho
It’s designed to mismatch you, but does the right thing on accident.
But right now, I’d rather not. If someone were to say, assassinate Peter Thiel, then they can just put me on a leash and take me home, do whatever the fuck they want with me xD
Otherwise, I’d rather refrain both because of poor general health, and trust issues.
It is 100% meant to mismatch you to keep you on the app to make money. Start asking people who met people on apps and you quickly notice a pattern. The person they are with was not like any of the other people it matches you with. It’s not that hard to match people. They are betting that two people won’t compare their apps after they get together. I have watched three couples in the same room compare their apps with each other, with all three realizing it only works by mistake.
My wife and I actually matched on 3 different sites, but things have definitely enshitified since.
That is great! That is what they are supposed to do.
The best part is she wasn’t even looking for a relationship, but we’re basically the same person so things just clicked.
So the app failed succeeded catastrophically. Nice!
Bro could at least invite her for dinner before making such … interesting demands.
Relevant Oatmeal
I don’t see how that’s too relevant. The comic isn’t about having kids per se. It’s about just giving up kids you’ve already had, which is quite different.
I think they meant adjacent instead of relevant.
I didn’t think it was possible to be denser than a neutron star but here we are…
Quark Star!
Guy was about 20 years too late for Susan Smith.
So are we supposed to communicate honestly or not!?
Women want honesty until they’re asked to put their kids up for adoption. Smh
It’s like, I’m trying to meet you halfway over here, but you’ve gotta work with me a little!
Listen my dude it’s a two way street. You look decent so what about I drop off one kid at the fire station and we go from there? I’m sure you’ll get to love little Timmy.
Great, I know the perfect year-round boarding school.
You seem like you’d be a genuine arsehole in real life. (Just being honest.)
Woosh
No thanks. I prefer aaaallll the money and time to wifey and myself. We enjoy our hobbies, travel the world, do what we want the whole day long, every day. That’s freedom.
Why would we want kids? And even if, we weren’t rich enough to put kids into this dumpster-fire…
Yep I’m selfish with my time. I like doing anything I want. I just won’t have a care taker when I’m old (but I also am not an ass that would want a child to do that anyway, seems evil)
I’ll gladly donate money to help out the unhoused, and Foss projects though! Because with no kids you have money to donate to things like that.
Yup exactly. All that money (and time, good lord the time!) sunk into lil brats could well be spend elsewhere. FOSS indeed! We also donate a lot and work for free at homeless shelters and such.
But most people prefer to keep running away from thinking by allocating 101% of time to everything but themselves. Jobs, kids, pets…
And this caretaker-for-when-i-am-old…it’s not only disgusting but also too risky. And with all that money sunk into those kids I could buy people who’d take care of me.
Yep. People are too afraid to state the truths you just said for fear of being rediculed.
Not sure why people can “hate” dogs and its considered fine, but we aren’t allowed to dislike human children or youll get persecuted.
Big reason I hate family gatherings. Most people can’t think beyond their immediate situation (and by extension, create “cute” babies they can treat like dolls for 4 years while giving 0 thought to the fact that now its another person in the world that will die to climate change or work in a factory forever and never own a house)
OMG yes!!! I’ve already dropped them off at the fire station. When can you come over??? 🥰
proceeds to kneecap the guy and let’s her kids taking batting practiced with his balls
Call me old fashioned but I don’t think kids should be playing with the genitals of adults
I don’t know if I’d describe hitting a guy in the nuts with a baseball bat “playing with genitals”
depends if he likes it or no i guess…
CBT exists… :|
Cognitive behavioral therapy, right?
… Right?
Back on Reddit, I once saw a lengthy debate about whether this or what you meant should be the default assumption when seeing that acronym. I don’t think either participant left satisfied, which I suppose was appropriate.
Cranial Brain Thinking
Heh. Context matters though. I honestly didn’t even know Cognitive Behavioral Therapy shared that acronym, not being native speaker and all that. Sure as hell my original meaning was more…erm…in your face on memey social media xD
That’s nuts
Found the Democrat
Should I be offended? I’m Australian
I mean, technically yes but not as much as if you were 'murican republican. I apologize for the unintended offense.
but what about a man-child?
Wouldn’t matter if it was a woman-child
the most unhinged starter messages, as we.all expected something sexual or creepy. its worse 😭
Looks like Aaron earned an iron urn.
So how long have you lived in Baltimore?
“Would you be willing to choose me, a man you don’t even know, over your own children? I don’t even know why I have to use these sites, I’m literally the most amazing man on the face of the planet. It’s a disgrace I even debase myself by using this. Did I mention I’m the most modest person in the world as well?”
It’s not real, bro. The bad man can’t hurt you
I hope it’s not real.
C’mon parents… You know you wanna. They are sweet and all. They make you proud.
But then there are those days. Today my 5 year old comes asking where the roku remote is. Clearly its in the room. Just press the button to find it! Ring! Ofcourse its in the couch! You little devils never put it back where it be… Okay its not on the couch. Press again! Ring! Yeah its in the couch! The finger chopping Recliner! Ehhh dady, why is the TV scrolling? Hmm okay somehow its inside the cushion? You open the cushion but there’s nothing!!! Ring it again! Ring! Its in the couch! Look if you press here it scrolls! Oh now it went to Netflix! Shit! Its everywhere on the couch! NOO!!! You guys dropped it in the finger chopping part of the recliner! Didn’t you!?? I swear! Nothing! Its not there! Hold on, don’t jump on the recliner! Sonobabich jumped! But you know that shit, your finger nails clipped tight but didn’t bleed. You’re good! Oh look at the fucking remote its just there under the metal cushion spring. How did it even get there!? And where did all these candy wrappers come from? Those are sticky. Go get a wet towel! Let’s sweep and mop and wash the broom. It’s now 8pm. You cleaned up the house. Bruised knees, sore finger nails still teetering of fear of being loped off when someone swings a scissors closed. Like you can feel the cut right at your most favorite finger joint. No, its still there, its just the nail thats gone. Turn around the couch potatoe has been watching loonie toons and tossing more wrappers under the couch.
That’s it! Thus kid’s gone tomorrow! That and other barely legal ways to bring about sanity start to run wild. But after that split second, all is good and you love your kid. You’d do anything for that little lazy sonobabich mini you. Yeah I don’t know what the heck that guy is on but giving up your kids for a looser dude is in no one’s things to do list. But may I interest you in a finger chopping recliner adventure?
I wouldn’t give mine away, and enjoyed parenting more than any other job, but swear to God with every one of them I said that a parent should be provided with about 5 tranquilizer darts for each child when they are born, for the handful of situations that put you in danger of doing something you will regret. With each one, for me there were about 5 times I wished I could just toss a dart and pow! Kid falls down asleep.
I deliberately inserted a jumper wire…bare copper into a 120AC outlet. My kid was smarter and used a fork.
When my kid was four and refusing to go to bed, he once stood at the top of the stairs, holding tight to the stair gate, looked me dead in the eye, and shit himself.
On the one hand I was impressed with the show of superiority, but on the other, I did briefly consider having him adopted.
So yeah, I get it.
Mine would work themselves into such a mess crying uncontrollably that they vomited all over hence making ignoring them impossible… I loved bedtime!
Oh god, I’ve just remembered a time on holiday when he went to bite into a perfectly innocuous hamburger, and discovered a single slice of tomato. He was so outraged he threw up on his plate.
That was fun.
Most days the kids are such beautiful creatures. They are learning, experimenting, cuddling, playing games with me… I wish I got to see more of them but I’m in office 5 days a week with a long commute, and we’re all feeling it.
But every once in a a while there is the day where they smear an entire dresser with zinc cream and that shit takes ages to wash off. Or they piss on you the moment you remove them from the bath. Or they spend an hour fighting you about going to bed so you just throw them into their bedroom and use your body to block their door until they get too tired from banging it and screaming and pass out; really started to appreciate my Steam Deck after that.
You remember these events well because they don’t happen often. You don’t remember every time you cuddled watching a movie, worked on a project together, made food together, or felt proud of them, because that’s pretty much every day.
I will add the caveat that this is for “normal” kids. I used to volunteer for a few groups for seriously disabled children and you didn’t see too many couples at those events… Usually one parent wants to keep the child while the other says they cannot effectively raise them, and you can guess how that goes. Having spent a lot of time with those kids and seeing the damage families suffer because of it, I do not suggest taking on the challenge of serious disability unless you are able to secure substantial material assistance; it’s far lonelier and harder than you can imagine.
Oh I wish I could tell you how one of my siblings is doing. They are the parent in a situation similar to what you describe. But its both parent and child. But the good thing is family keeps them together.
Don’t have any kids but I also deduce from my observations that most normal relations with kids are the ones where sometimes you love them to bits and at other times want to give them for adoption. Anything else which overly romanticises having kids has no use other than shame driving people into insanity.
Yeah. You don’t need kids. If you plan in not having kids don’t. You are basically back to square one trying to… Diaper training, walking, talking, playing with others, k-12, graduate with good grades, go to college etc. But one to multiple times and at various stages.
My negative view of the world right now is that we’re just growing citizens to be used in the industrial complex for rich assholes to make money. We don’t get money or benefit financially. And the story ends when it ends. Like there’s no actual Golden goal. One day I may just croak. I think I’m going from painful stomach reasons that rhyme with dancer. But in a few minutes I could also be run over by a car…or worse yet, a honeypot truck…full and spilling. Or nukes.
So there’s no need to have kids. Have sex and enjoy your life to the fullest. That’s pretty much the goal. Don’t waste your life over thinking how to do it. Also don’t go make a living from art. Singing, dancing, painting etc, those are things for rich people. Be practical. If you want to get by do what those people do. If you want to have nice things work hard and sacrifice. But know that you won’t be a billionaire. Nobody can work their ass off and become a billionaire. Even robbing banks won’t get you there. So don’t waste your life trying to do that.
seems like a bad idea if you hate them 50%
like a mix of sunk cost a d stokholms
Hell no. It’s nowhere near 50/50. In my experience the great moments are far more frequent than the one where you want to defenestrate them.
The relationship with them is however massively unequal, in that you basically owe all the support and they owe you next to nothing (at least at the start).
And unlike with partners and friends, you are supposed to have and maintain authority over them, and foster their growth, often against their whishes.
So it’s a lot of work. But I for instance don’t understand why people get dogs.
When I said sometimes, did not necessarily mean %50 but agreed if negative feelings are close to majority in such a situation then there is some self reflecting to be made.
Geez, guy could have just swiped left.
I think it’s parodying those that match and then ask someone to give up their pets…
he is probably not the person in the photos and fake ragebait
Basically Hansel and Gretel
