Hammers are very dangerous. Tens of thousands of hammer accidents happen a year in the US. Hammers can be used to dismantle and destroy things. They’ve even been used in the perpetration of crimes and murders. I could not on good conscience date someone who uses a hammer.
In the beginning, there was life and it was good. Then came the hammer and it’s been shit ever since. Our best philosophers are deeply divided: those who think we never should have left the trees (return to monke) and those who think we never should have left the oceans. (return to crab)


I won’t date anyone who uses dihydrogen monoxide on a regular basis
I had some of that at an extremely early age. Addicted ever since. I still can’t go a day without it without feeling terrible.
As an American I can say the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a hammer is a good guy with a hammer.
As an European I’ll just refer to the statistics on hammer murders and the differences between hammer city, USA and Peaceburg, Anywhere Europe. Again.

Stop ✋
…Hammer Time! 🦀
Date someone with a hammer and you might get nailed.
You want to date someone with an impact driver and you’ll get screwed.
All I’ve got is this hammer drill
I prefer to date fellas who be swinging hammer. 😏

Does that mean you won’t see a doctor?
Famously they use those little rubber hammers on people’s knees
Doctors are trained in using them safely, and in a way that benefits the public. That could make a difference.
Love can wait. Safety first.
I’m curious on data regarding hammer related deaths. It’s really hard to kill yourself with a hammer.
Well, that leaves anyone in a trade out of the dating pool then because most of them, eg. in the carpentry field, use hammers of some kind and in some way.
As a mechanic with about 10 hammers, guess I’m out.
I have ethical concerns about this.
Maybe we could hammer out an agreement.
Can confirm. I work on industrial equipment. Sometimes you just gotta hit it with a hammer.
I knew a hammerhead shark once, it was actually very kind and considerate, even when hammering. I think humans will probably evolve into responsible hammer users in a few thousand generations or so. It’s just a matter of practice.
Hammerhead sharks are unironically one of the coolest animals in existence
If hammers were only useful for hurting people, yes, yes I would.












