“just be friends” can often be a way to euphemistically say “fuck off and leave me alone” because a girl who actually says “fuck off and leave me alone” out loud for real runs the risk of a fragile, shallow, unhinged, emotionally unstable man going berserk and MURDERING her.
Obviously nobody likes to hear this but it DOES happen–not every time but it does not need to be every time in order to factor as a risk; like how “every gun is ALWAYS loaded–ESPECIALLY a gun that is ‘Not Loaded’!”
The list of people who are murdered for refusing a romantic advance gets longer every day, and the unfortunate truth is that the majority of the victims on that list are women, and that the majority of the perpetrators on that list are men. Statistically speaking, it is simply a matter of common sense precaution to hedge the possibility of a violent reaction by offering “friendship” in the hopes that the other party will be de-escalated enough to not flip out.
That said, I have managed to maintain friendships with some of the people I’ve previously had romantic feelings for, but it took me bridging the honesty gap FOR them: actually offering them the chance to clarify; that they face no danger in being direct with me and that I both CAN and WILL in fact peacefully go fuck off forever if that’s what they actually meant. Thinking back, there’s only two ex partners who didn’t want to talk to me at all anymore after the romantic stage crashed. The fact that it’s non-zero though, that there was even ONE person who was initially lying when they offered “consolation prize friendship” (although forgivably because they were just protecting themselves), tells me all I ever needed to know.
just take the L and move on, don’t embarrass yourself. people can see through that bullshit.
Lol imagine talking to other people. Pathetic.
I only talk to my cat. Everyone else on Lemmy is just a figment of my imagination.
idk man that’s just petty
could you explain that? i don’t get how it’s petty.
Idk man it’s lying? Why not just take the L. Posturing is exhausting
You gain nothing from this lie. Maybe you will look a bit cooler for the girl who doesn’t want to be with you
Just say 👍 and move on.
If you want to hedgehog your bets, add “If you’re not married by 40, call me.”
one of my besties, she confided in me that she had like six different people come up to her with that and she was tired of being people’s second, third, fourth, whatever choice. so one day at our biweekly lunch date, i told her “hey, if we’re both still single at 35, mudrer suicide?” and she about lost it laughing.
Don’t have to move on platonically, though. More friends is always nice.
“hey I like you” “i’m really sorry but i don’t see you that way, I just want to be friends” “Im glad you said it first. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings”
???
"hey I like you” “i’m really sorry but i don’t see you that way, I just want to be friends”
“Yeah, I really want to be friends with you. Weirdo.”
That’s like saying “you can’t fire me, I quit!”. Better to either accept it and be happy to have a good friend, or limit contact with that person if you find it hard to be around them knowing that they’re not romantically/sexually interested.
Honest reply is always best:
“I’m crushed and devasatated and will never recover from this. I shall now retire into obscurity, quiet reflection and resentment.”
- Galadriel, when she doesn’t pass the test.
I wish I could have told my late high school self this.
We all wish we could go back and coach ourselves. All we can do is guide the younger generations.
Cut losses. If you find yourself hung up on her, go no contact until you’ve gotten over it. Too many other partners out there to be hung up on one that is having different feelings.
Stay frosty out there, kings and queens.
I was way into a girl and said, “I like you a lot and enjoy our talks, would you like to date me?” She said, “No, not really, but I’d like to still be friends.” And I said no thanks. Not because I was being a dick or anything, but I was too in to her to be friends. We drifted apart and both found someone else that was a better match for each of us.
Honestly, this is the best response. If you’re out dating to find a partner, it doesn’t make sense to stay friends with someone you were interested in, unless you have other interests.
Sometimes it be like that.
Exactly. Then you can reconnect and be friends. By that time the feelings are done, but if not. Keep up that no contact!
username how
Oh, lol. I don’t see it in Voyager, haha. It’s Emoji letters on the main website in place of my displayed username though.
I did this after my first girlfriend broke up with me… in middle school. This is insecure adolescent boy behavior, anyone doing this kind of thing as an adult is maladjusted.
Middle school dating strategy
A girl I had started dating friend zoned me. I played it off cool saying “wanna just be casual?” (I didn’t wanna just be casual). Almost 4 years later and we’re still together :)
I think the moral of the story is you just have to trust the universe sometimes
Girl tried to friend zone me. I wasnt having it. I had already fallen hard. I told her that i didnt think i could be friends because my feelings for her would be in the way. If she ever wanted to pursue, give me a call and ill be right there.
That was 14 years ago. We’ve been married almost 10 years now
Are you still friend zoned?
Nope! The friend zone only lasted like two weeks. I think we were meant to be together though. Life can just be a little overwhelming in the moment.
Lucky it took me six months to get the proper level of stockholm syndrome into my now wife.
We’ve only been married for 20 years. How can I be sure she really likes me?
My fiancé has the patience of a saint. 8 years before the Stockholm Syndrome took me 😅
Just to be clear, this is not at all what I was suggesting
What you didn’t tie your wife up in the basement for six months?
Sorry, only choice is to become a goblin.
i mean that’s the only way to get a partner anyways
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