if you know a really good mariachi band that’ll be around for the next 30 years so i can put down a retainer

not every war is colonialism. I can see going to war (and as a californian, the irony is not at all lost on me) over the Sound Dues

that one person would have an experience shared by… do you want me to count? i really don’t. I’ve talked to a lot of people about this. you’d be amazed what people will tell their money guy when they don’t want to talk about money. i’d say a good 80% of people in the segment of the population i’m generally exposed to have had almost all bad bosses. it’s almost like there was a management school out there that they all went to that taught them wrong on purpose as a joke. six sigma, i’m looking at you

you just have to find someone who’s grown the crop and is a chef. have them cook for you a few times, talk to you about what you did and didn’t like about it. you know, farm to table type shit, right? then they buy the food for you and move in, and are named Hikaru and cook for you every day and we have a pony named Glue Factory who likes to eat caramel.

fuck you bezos. there’s no way AI could ever match that.

corporate keeps fuckin sending these damn crates tho

yeah, part of successful grocery management is knowing how often to rearrange the store that your customers don’t hate you for moving the damn kefir. my bagels need kefir!

also i don’t trust a robot to pick the right fruit for me. a good onion smells different than the rest of the average shit in the pile.

yes, this is how i travel drive convey exist dammit

dude. let’s get you some water. you look like corn

the item doesn’t take time to sell. the item takes time to restock. you gotta think like a manager. where are the cost centers.

I knew a Dorothy who went by Dot. She was fun as hell. Played a mean sousaphone too.

right? my entire internet presence under my real name is a junk mail inbox

oh yeah, how dare i disrespect the financial ambitions of people who sacrifice their time for money. oh wait, that’s just work.

struck a little too close to home for you on this one, didn’t i?

Last time I was at Walmart I asked an employee (who I knew. I’m a known quantity in my town. If I was shoplifting, the shop deserved it. Or I forgot like idk a watermelon at the self checkout my object permanece sucks) if they minded if I just popped the lock one of these days if i was in a hurry. They laughed and assumed i was joking, because I joke a lot. I just gave them that “no, I’m good with locks and don’t like waiting” shrug. You know the one. Then they quietly said no I like having a job. And I dropped it.

But man those locks suck and are always right under cameras.

These are your kith and kin. We gather whenever someone passes to poke them with a stick to make sure they’re really dead, chuck 'em in a fire then sing it’s raining men hallelujah while we scatter the ashes (this is my actual funeral plans if you’re going to steal it you have to tell me first)

You forgot kebab, the form in which I take my microplastics

You know the guy’s name because that sure sounds like great uncle gran

We had a vent for a bit in our house. Called pg&e and then our block (just 20 houses) got coded the same as the hospital in outages. I can’t remember what kind of supporting documents we had to send in. We lost power last in rolling blackouts. They let us keep that for a good… year after dad died? So someone else on the street must have been on a vent too.

Dude, first thing you buy when you get a life supporting vent is a generator

Fucking finally

No one wants to verify that evidence. No one wants to actually look.

Well okay a few want to but like, they need help.

They got a conviction. Who cares that it was overturned?

I’ve known some DAs