“just be friends” can often be a way to euphemistically say “fuck off and leave me alone” because a girl who actually says “fuck off and leave me alone” out loud for real runs the risk of a fragile, shallow, unhinged, emotionally unstable man going berserk and MURDERING her.
Obviously nobody likes to hear this but it DOES happen–not every time but it does not need to be every time in order to factor as a risk; like how “every gun is ALWAYS loaded–ESPECIALLY a gun that is ‘Not Loaded’!”
The list of people who are murdered for refusing a romantic advance gets longer every day, and the unfortunate truth is that the majority of the victims on that list are women, and that the majority of the perpetrators on that list are men. Statistically speaking, it is simply a matter of common sense precaution to hedge the possibility of a violent reaction by offering “friendship” in the hopes that the other party will be de-escalated enough to not flip out.
That said, I have managed to maintain friendships with some of the people I’ve previously had romantic feelings for, but it took me bridging the honesty gap FOR them: actually offering them the chance to clarify; that they face no danger in being direct with me and that I both CAN and WILL in fact peacefully go fuck off forever if that’s what they actually meant. Thinking back, there’s only two ex partners who didn’t want to talk to me at all anymore after the romantic stage crashed. The fact that it’s non-zero though, that there was even ONE person who was initially lying when they offered “consolation prize friendship” (although forgivably because they were just protecting themselves), tells me all I ever needed to know.
“just be friends” can often be a way to euphemistically say “fuck off and leave me alone” because a girl who actually says “fuck off and leave me alone” out loud for real runs the risk of a fragile, shallow, unhinged, emotionally unstable man going berserk and MURDERING her.
Obviously nobody likes to hear this but it DOES happen–not every time but it does not need to be every time in order to factor as a risk; like how “every gun is ALWAYS loaded–ESPECIALLY a gun that is ‘Not Loaded’!”
The list of people who are murdered for refusing a romantic advance gets longer every day, and the unfortunate truth is that the majority of the victims on that list are women, and that the majority of the perpetrators on that list are men. Statistically speaking, it is simply a matter of common sense precaution to hedge the possibility of a violent reaction by offering “friendship” in the hopes that the other party will be de-escalated enough to not flip out.
That said, I have managed to maintain friendships with some of the people I’ve previously had romantic feelings for, but it took me bridging the honesty gap FOR them: actually offering them the chance to clarify; that they face no danger in being direct with me and that I both CAN and WILL in fact peacefully go fuck off forever if that’s what they actually meant. Thinking back, there’s only two ex partners who didn’t want to talk to me at all anymore after the romantic stage crashed. The fact that it’s non-zero though, that there was even ONE person who was initially lying when they offered “consolation prize friendship” (although forgivably because they were just protecting themselves), tells me all I ever needed to know.
Wasn’t there a subreddit r/whenwomenrefuse