If you’re having sex with a woman, you’re having sex with someone that likes dick. People who like dick are gay. Having sex with a gay person makes you gay.
The only way to stop being gay is to never touch her again, otherwise you’re touching someone who has touched a dick and by the transitive property that makes you gay. Touching your wife is gay.
What about when you’re out shopping and you’re unloading the contents of the trolley onto the conveyor belt at the checkout and you accidentally touch your wife’s box of tampons/panty liners?
Does that make you gay??
I guess you’re already gay at that point for unloading the trolley
What if you are in a manly bar drinking manly beer. And you strike up a manly conversation with an other man about lumberjacking or something. And when you talk about sharpening your manly axe, you accidentally touch their hairy hand. Which causes your piercingly manly gazes to lock like the door on a sportscar.
So you start talking about WWE and show each other how to perform a death grip with your arms tightly around each other.
Then you want to test the strength of their lips, by giving them a manly kiss.
And you carry them like a firefighter into a toilet stall to compare your manly leather underwear.
And you end up fucking the shit out of each other.
Yes, and on top of that, pooping is slightly gay. Also, using your hands to pee is gay because you’re touching a dick. Also sitting down to pee is gay. And do NOT wash your penis, unless you’re super gay.
Dear Aunt Agatha,
I own a dick.
I like to have my dick caressed by other dick-loving individual.
What does that make me?
Sincerely,
All-out-now McJohnson
If you’re having sex with a woman, you’re having sex with someone that likes dick. People who like dick are gay. Having sex with a gay person makes you gay.
Checkmate libtards.
Lol that was pretty good
Now I have to tell my wife I’ve been gay all these years.
The only way to stop being gay is to never touch her again, otherwise you’re touching someone who has touched a dick and by the transitive property that makes you gay. Touching your wife is gay.
Is wiping your arse gay?
Definitely. You’re gay just for asking.
Ok, thanks for clarifying.
I’ve got another…
What about when you’re out shopping and you’re unloading the contents of the trolley onto the conveyor belt at the checkout and you accidentally touch your wife’s box of tampons/panty liners?
Does that make you gay??
I guess you’re already gay at that point for unloading the trolley
Exactly. You’re in the grocery store for something other than beer? Gay.
And that ignores the fact that just buying feminine products makes you Uber-Queer.
I have an other.
What if you are in a manly bar drinking manly beer. And you strike up a manly conversation with an other man about lumberjacking or something. And when you talk about sharpening your manly axe, you accidentally touch their hairy hand. Which causes your piercingly manly gazes to lock like the door on a sportscar.
So you start talking about WWE and show each other how to perform a death grip with your arms tightly around each other. Then you want to test the strength of their lips, by giving them a manly kiss. And you carry them like a firefighter into a toilet stall to compare your manly leather underwear.
And you end up fucking the shit out of each other.
Is that gay?
Fabulously specific…
Were socks being worn? Was “no homo” uttered?
Yes, and on top of that, pooping is slightly gay. Also, using your hands to pee is gay because you’re touching a dick. Also sitting down to pee is gay. And do NOT wash your penis, unless you’re super gay.
Only if you don’t get her pregnant.
I’m guessing the logic is:
Gay people only have sex for pleasure (because they can’t reproduce), therefore, all sex for pleasure is gay.
Its like saying fish only swim in water because they can’t go on land, therefore, all creatures that swim are fish.
If you interpret gay in the original meaning (“full of joy, merry, light-hearted, carefree”) then yes, having sex with your wife can be gay sex.
someone warn the bees
Damn didn’t know Lemmy drafted Aristotle. Another win for the Fediverse.
Dear Aunt Agatha,
I own a dick.
I like to have my dick caressed by other dick-loving individual.
What does that make me?
Sincerely,
All-out-now McJohnson
You said dick three times in your letter. If you say the word dick that means you’re thinking of a dick, and that makes you gay.
Hmmmm,
That explains the string of dudes in my grindr and the butterflies in my tummy everytime I think of dick.
No, that’s completely normal for everyone.