Lmao!! Perfect
First out loud laugh of the day
It confusing because no one explains that Jesus was a cultist who said everyone was going to rise from the grave and this world would become heaven. Jesus was pro zombie world so much that his followers made up Zombie Jesus to prove he was right.
“Then I sacrificed myself to save you from the rules I made up myself. I could’ve just changed the rule, but somehow this convoluted plot line was simpler.”
“Luckily there was a loophole in those rules that I (omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient) made.”
If that doesn’t scream, “made up by the clerics trying to avoid contradicting each other and bringing the whole house of lying cards down as they went”, just keep sending money to your church. Because if a god needs anything, it’s obviously worldly riches and unquestioning loyalty. We need these churches to impress everyone with the power of our god, but he’s sleepy after making it all and throwing tantrums bigger than we can imagine because people were acting like the way he made them capable of acting, like cartoon villains in some cases, like a whole city whose first reaction to seeing an angel was “Let’s all rape it!” So that’s why you need to send your money without any questions!
It is to show that I suffered with you for a bit. Only one third of me, to be fair, which I created specifically for that little exercise.
One third of me gave up a whole weekend! If that ain’t love I don’t know WHAT is!
I know it’s hard to grasp but there is wisdom in this, if you care to find it.
*Then I offended some of you so that you wold kill and I could forgive you killing me and at the same time kind of forgive everyone everything but not only under certain conditions.
Now eat my flesh and drink my blood. I SAID DRINK IT PLEDGE
*to redeem you from my judgement, since you will never be good enough to undo you having Knowldege of Good and Evil, in the original shouldering of Collective Guilt.
Isn’t that called “original sin”? What a fucked up concept. Every single person born starts out in the negative for shit that they never did
This Shit confused me so hard when I was 10
It will always be confusing as long as you think about it
“So that we can destroy all of those not chosen by god/me and rule the entire world until god/I take the even more chosen by god/me to ascend to heaven while everyone else desperately kill each other in the demon infested aftermath of god’s/my complete abandonment.”
This is not hyperbolic, that’s literally the goals of christianity and abrahamic religions in general.
Modern Judaism doesn’t really have this kind of view of the end of the world at all. This was kind of fad in Judaism for a while due to Israel getting conquered a bunch by foreign powers but it hasn’t been a big thing for like 2000 years at this point
The Arians were right!
(I mean Arianism the faith, not the other thing)
The guy that was famously punched in the face by Santa Claus
Real story, st Nicholas punched Arius because of the whose heresy thing, and the resulting chaos led to the council of nicea
I think Jesus’ backstory plays into the manipulative auntie strat where they made 1 singular sacrifice in their life and because of that you have to be grateful and mow the lawn, Willy.
God: I want to smite them all and fuck off to Rigel 7.
Jesus: Please don’t.
To be fair, I understand him 100%
Enkelt penkelt citronklämmis.
