The monkeys paw curled. Elated UnderpantsWeevil was, as he skipped off into the sunset looking forward to the future.
1000 years later.
UnderpantsWeevil sat alone, in a dark metal box, suspended over lava, hanging by a long massive chain, circa 30km underground. How so?
He had been observed by various nation state actors over time, some who tried to kill him - many times, without success.
Everything was painstakingly documented by increasingly maddened agents, who poured over the various failed scenarios in utter amazement.
Run over by a truck? 7 times attempted. Gased to death in his bead? 4 attempts. Fatal stabbing? Proven not effective. “Accidental beheading”? 12 near misses.
in total 73 supposedly fatal wounds to the body, according to the medical sciences, all of which failed. No one could bring an end to UnderpantsWeevil.
After many captures (and several escapes) he finally landed in the hands of a North American despot known as Julius Trump the 4th - a supposed heir to the great emperor god.
This mad god king in a fallout empire decided to create a secret super-prison - because no one should be able to outlast the god king himself.
UnderpantsWeevil sat completely still in this oxygen depleted place, not a muscle stirring. Only the thought that it had been a scant 1000 years…
Look, I’ve seen death. I lost half my village to the Black Death. I fought under Buckingham in Burgundy. It’s not like I don’t know what death is. Death is… stupid.
Nobody has to die. The only reason people die is… is 'cause everyone does it. You all just go along with it. But not me. I’ve made up my mind. I’m not going to die.
A dollar in five million years
Cause then I’ll be around that long
The monkeys paw curled. Elated UnderpantsWeevil was, as he skipped off into the sunset looking forward to the future.
1000 years later.
UnderpantsWeevil sat alone, in a dark metal box, suspended over lava, hanging by a long massive chain, circa 30km underground. How so?
He had been observed by various nation state actors over time, some who tried to kill him - many times, without success.
Everything was painstakingly documented by increasingly maddened agents, who poured over the various failed scenarios in utter amazement.
Run over by a truck? 7 times attempted. Gased to death in his bead? 4 attempts. Fatal stabbing? Proven not effective. “Accidental beheading”? 12 near misses.
in total 73 supposedly fatal wounds to the body, according to the medical sciences, all of which failed. No one could bring an end to UnderpantsWeevil.
After many captures (and several escapes) he finally landed in the hands of a North American despot known as Julius Trump the 4th - a supposed heir to the great emperor god.
This mad god king in a fallout empire decided to create a secret super-prison - because no one should be able to outlast the god king himself.
UnderpantsWeevil sat completely still in this oxygen depleted place, not a muscle stirring. Only the thought that it had been a scant 1000 years…
Good night, everybody!
Corrosion to the rescue! Don’t worry UnderpantsWeevil, Entropy, the one and every thing to which you are immune, will provide eventual salvation.
/r/writingprompts strikes again
Also the value of a dollar is going to be so high in 5 million years due to inflation.
Are you kidding? Can you imagine what a piece of human artifice from 5 million years ago would be worth to the right collector?
Umm, you looked around lately? You want 5 million years of this shit?
They gonna be alone relatively soon
Plot twist, take the dollar in 5 million years. Then do everything you can to cause global extinction.
Then FINALLY have some free time, instead of working 3 full time jobs.
Yes I would absolutely kill all life on earth just to get some free time. Humans had their time, and they created a world that led to…this.
gestures broadly to everything
Username checks out
I’m going to take a line from Hob Gadling
WTF?! We’ve all been suckered into dying just because everyone does it? Man, do I feel stupid.
Yeah. We’ve got around 30 till the world ends, so what after that?
That was my first thought too. But I haven’t really enjoyed the last 30 so I’m not sure if I’d like to hang out that long.