I know someone who received a phone call in the morning to ask if they were actually cool with their husband taking a trip across the country with him. Ruined her whole day. Couldnt go to work because she didnt want to cry in the office. She knew about the vacation and was fine with it. Still not entirely sure how that ruined her day, but it did.
But she previously knew about the vacation and was fine with it. I’m not sure how the friend asking if she was cool with the husband going triggering a tantrum.
Like, I’m usually pretty good at understanding the underlying drive of these kinds of emotional maturity failures, but it’s really not clear exactly what she’s upset about.
your problem is you are trying to understand an irrational emotion coming from a crazy/immature person. they don’t need reasons or logic, they just have feelings they can’t control and blame other people for making them feel that way.
they don’t question why they feel a way… they simple hate people who make them feel bad.
I’ll bite. I could have seen myself doing something like this before I was put on anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication. The reasoning was I would have invented some kind story in my head that ACTUALLY my husband is going on this trip because he HATES ME. Or maybe he’s cheating. Or or or or- and it would have spiraled out from there until I was in tears. It sucked, and I am still sometimes kind of shocked I survived long enough to get treatment.
Not saying that’s what happened here of course, but I could empathize.
you get it. glad you found something that helps, took me a while to find a med combo that worked to help me “logic” my way through the emotions. they’re still there, but i’m able to bitch slap them into submission more easily.
that’s awesome. it can take a lot of courage to be blunt, even if you’re very close to someone. i always have that voice in the back of my head going “was i too blunt? what if i offended them? what if they hate me now?” etc etc, even when i’m trying to be polite.
Usually when someone is contacting someone else while working on making peace with their feelings about that person’s behavior, it’s because they want to have a discussion with them about it. It’s unusual for it to be a one-and-done text without expectation of a response. But if a response is expected, it’s then unusual to follow up that text with another concerning a completely different topic. If I were in this situation, I’d find it hard to begin a discussion about her annoyance, which is valid and deserves to be explored, when the current topic is now a winery van.
People are capable of being annoyed by something but still make peace with their feelings and get on with their day.
Can some people not do this?
Not to mention that their partner is annoyed, but that doesn’t mean they suddenly don’t love them any more.
People weirdly paint each other as black and white, completely this or completely that, and don’t consider maturity and complexity. It’s odd.
Yes, there are people that can’t do that.
I know someone who received a phone call in the morning to ask if they were actually cool with their husband taking a trip across the country with him. Ruined her whole day. Couldnt go to work because she didnt want to cry in the office. She knew about the vacation and was fine with it. Still not entirely sure how that ruined her day, but it did.
I’m not sure I’m following the source of her negative feelings
Sounds like maybe she isn’t either.
The only way I could see it making sense is if the husband was going on a trip with another woman, or he has a history of cheating on her with men.
some people want absolute control over their partner/loved ones. and can’t accept anything less.
But she previously knew about the vacation and was fine with it. I’m not sure how the friend asking if she was cool with the husband going triggering a tantrum.
Like, I’m usually pretty good at understanding the underlying drive of these kinds of emotional maturity failures, but it’s really not clear exactly what she’s upset about.
not having absolute control.
your problem is you are trying to understand an irrational emotion coming from a crazy/immature person. they don’t need reasons or logic, they just have feelings they can’t control and blame other people for making them feel that way.
they don’t question why they feel a way… they simple hate people who make them feel bad.
No, and this comment annoyed me.
Pick your weapon, we meet at dawn.
(/s in case a moderator can’t read cues)
Its so easy to spot people who’ve been banned from reddit one too many times
Yeah, I blocked several politically inclined communities here, just because it’s bad for my “health”.
“Black and white” thinking is something that adhd and asd people struggle with constantly. It may not be a choice.
I’ll bite. I could have seen myself doing something like this before I was put on anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication. The reasoning was I would have invented some kind story in my head that ACTUALLY my husband is going on this trip because he HATES ME. Or maybe he’s cheating. Or or or or- and it would have spiraled out from there until I was in tears. It sucked, and I am still sometimes kind of shocked I survived long enough to get treatment.
Not saying that’s what happened here of course, but I could empathize.
you get it. glad you found something that helps, took me a while to find a med combo that worked to help me “logic” my way through the emotions. they’re still there, but i’m able to bitch slap them into submission more easily.
My gf and I both have ASD and being direct and stating exactly how we’re feeling in the moment bluntly has made things 2000% easier.
that’s awesome. it can take a lot of courage to be blunt, even if you’re very close to someone. i always have that voice in the back of my head going “was i too blunt? what if i offended them? what if they hate me now?” etc etc, even when i’m trying to be polite.
Usually when someone is contacting someone else while working on making peace with their feelings about that person’s behavior, it’s because they want to have a discussion with them about it. It’s unusual for it to be a one-and-done text without expectation of a response. But if a response is expected, it’s then unusual to follow up that text with another concerning a completely different topic. If I were in this situation, I’d find it hard to begin a discussion about her annoyance, which is valid and deserves to be explored, when the current topic is now a winery van.