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I would like to share this timeless classic
<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar <cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke <cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet <cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied <emoti_conartist> lol <cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy <cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open <cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit <emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha <cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM <cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first' <cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face <cassius_clay13> and runs away <cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVERWow. Bryan sounds like a shit head. Good for him to keep stereotypes alive.
Just lads being lads, what a ledge 🤗
(The Lads on Tour movement needs to end fast)
“GO AROUND”
Classic Mitch Hedberg. Its this or ‘Ocupado’ in a tiny high pitched voice every time.
I laugh every time.
“What’s the password?”
“If my ass you wish to see, answer this riddle to me”
“I’ve got the stuff, do you have the money?”
I don’t know if it was intentional, but I like how your riddle option feels like you are so disappointed that nobody ever gets all 3 riddles from “answer these riddles three” and in your loneliness you have just dropped 2 of the riddles and the last remaining riddle is so basic that you can take just about any response as a correct answer.
“DON’T ANSWER!”
“Who’s there?”
“Go away! I’m 'baitin!”
I like money
I didn’t say anything, I put my full faith in the lock. If that isn’t enough of a hint then it’s their problem.
“Just as prophecy foretold, you have come. Enter and meet your destiny!”
You. I’ve seen you. Let me see your face. You are the one from my dreams. Then the stars were right, and this is the day. Gods give me strength.
I’ve heard this line countless times.
Still racking up give me a minute
“Come in!”
“C’mon in, water’s great!”
Sing! 🎶"Another one bites the dust… And another one down, another one down, Another one bites the dust,
… I’m gonna get you, too, Another one bites the dust… "🎶
Then fart to the beat
I prefer “Push it” by Salt-N-Pepa
I uh… I said “Hello there.” It was instinct.
I’m a little sad they didn’t say “General Kenobi” but you can’t win them all.
I sense a plot to destroy the toilet bowl
When I met my to-be brother-in-law for the first time 9 years ago (he was 19 then, for context), he was in a public restroom. My to-be mother-in-law called in and said “Hey bub, you in there?”
“Hey, mom. Yea. I’m poopin’!”
“Okay. This is KryptonianCodeMonkey.”
“Hi, kryptonianCodeMonkey! I’m poopin’!”
Then I went to pee at the urinal next to his stall and he announced, “Hey, I have shoes just like those.”
So, anyway… if your goal is to be memorable…
Did they meet because of you? I hope you told that story at their wedding.
When the story gives all the wrong details and none of the right ones.
“Come in, come in! I was just thinking of you!”
