For me it was more like actual death. I quite literally thought I was dying and begged my wife to call 911. Fortunately she is experienced and did her best to keep me contained.
Started with time becoming very mixed up or out of order. She was answering questions I hadn’t asked yet and I was perceiving reality as a single experience rather than a normal flow of action/reaction like everything was happening all at once.
Like you said, there are not words for this, language is far too simple to convey the idea but it humbled me to the point of non-existence.
I knew for a fact that life was not a series of events, it was all the same event happening in a singular moment totally separated from any idea of time as we normally perceive it. At that point it no longer mattered if I was dying/dead/alive… I was all of those things. Always have been.
Eventually I could no longer speak or even walk. Speaking, walking, thinking, all of that implied a forward flow of time which no longer was the case for me. My wife said I just laid on the ground eyes wide and filled with tears. She said she tried to talk to me and keep me calm but I never responded at all. She even put her Fitbit on me just to be sure my vitals were good, which of course they were.
What started as terrifying simply became so intense I couldn’t even fear anything any longer. I just…was but also wasn’t.
That lasted for about 30 minutes per my wife’s judgement. It was infinite for me at the time. Even after the peak it took several hours before I could speak correctly or form content thoughts.
Next day I knew for certain I was done with all drugs. I didn’t need them anymore. Never did really.
I wish I could tell you what is was like but all I can really do is explain certain simple ideas such as what I said above. We are the universe experiencing itself subjectively and the idea that I or anyone is actually important is exceedingly ridiculous.
LPT, keep a stopwatch going for psychedelics. I’ll start a timer on my phone when I drop and it helps snap me out of any kind of time related disorientation as I peak. For your average time dilation stuff, it’s awesome. If I can’t see my phone, then time probably is the last thing on my mind.
Thanks. That’s about what I expected you to say. I don’t really do psychedelics too much but if I get really high on weed I experience something similar to shattering illusion of physical mass (everything is just points in space) and time (determinism, etc.) I often times see time as one thing because in determinism the future is knowable and thus everything there has already happened.
I know it’s hard to describe such things but what is ego death like? Is it smashing free will illusion or something?
For me it was more like actual death. I quite literally thought I was dying and begged my wife to call 911. Fortunately she is experienced and did her best to keep me contained.
Started with time becoming very mixed up or out of order. She was answering questions I hadn’t asked yet and I was perceiving reality as a single experience rather than a normal flow of action/reaction like everything was happening all at once.
Like you said, there are not words for this, language is far too simple to convey the idea but it humbled me to the point of non-existence.
I knew for a fact that life was not a series of events, it was all the same event happening in a singular moment totally separated from any idea of time as we normally perceive it. At that point it no longer mattered if I was dying/dead/alive… I was all of those things. Always have been.
Eventually I could no longer speak or even walk. Speaking, walking, thinking, all of that implied a forward flow of time which no longer was the case for me. My wife said I just laid on the ground eyes wide and filled with tears. She said she tried to talk to me and keep me calm but I never responded at all. She even put her Fitbit on me just to be sure my vitals were good, which of course they were.
What started as terrifying simply became so intense I couldn’t even fear anything any longer. I just…was but also wasn’t.
That lasted for about 30 minutes per my wife’s judgement. It was infinite for me at the time. Even after the peak it took several hours before I could speak correctly or form content thoughts.
Next day I knew for certain I was done with all drugs. I didn’t need them anymore. Never did really.
I wish I could tell you what is was like but all I can really do is explain certain simple ideas such as what I said above. We are the universe experiencing itself subjectively and the idea that I or anyone is actually important is exceedingly ridiculous.
I have come to the same conclusion. If you don’t take yourself seriously, you’ll live a happy life.
Out of order time is really disorienting
LPT, keep a stopwatch going for psychedelics. I’ll start a timer on my phone when I drop and it helps snap me out of any kind of time related disorientation as I peak. For your average time dilation stuff, it’s awesome. If I can’t see my phone, then time probably is the last thing on my mind.
Thanks. That’s about what I expected you to say. I don’t really do psychedelics too much but if I get really high on weed I experience something similar to shattering illusion of physical mass (everything is just points in space) and time (determinism, etc.) I often times see time as one thing because in determinism the future is knowable and thus everything there has already happened.
Nothing close to what you experienced.