In the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, dating apps typically see a spike in new users and activity. More profiles are created, more messages sent, more swipes logged.
Dating platforms market themselves as modern technological solutions to loneliness, right at your fingertips. And yet, for many people, the day meant to celebrate romantic connection feels lonelier than ever.
This, rather than a personal failure or the reality of modern romance, is the outcome of how dating apps are designed and of the economic logic that governs them.
These digital tools aren’t simply interfaces that facilitate connection. The ease and expansiveness of online dating have commodified social bonds, eroded meaningful interactions and created a type of dating throw-away culture, encouraging a sense of disposability and distorting decision-making.
.com domain, meaning US? US has next to no market regulation.
I’ve never used a dating app. I think dating apps are mostly used for hookups. At least that’s what I’ve heard, and I’m not interested at all. In this capitalist system where we consume everything so quickly, it’s very difficult to truly find love. A philosopher once wrote a book about how love is gradually dying. The Agony of Eros by Chul Han. I recommend.
I think dating apps are mostly used for hookups
This isn’t especially true. Maybe Feeld and Tinder are less “serious”, but the idea of dating apps is mainstream enough that you find all sorts of people and goals.
The capitalism and for-profit nature does make them all kind of suck, though
I don’t know, they still seem to me like they’re only for short-term gains. Capitalism ruins everything.
Thinking about my friend group, about half the people met their long term partners on dating apps. The other half is a mix of work and large social groups (eg: people who all go to certain kinds of music festivals)
I guess it varies by age and region.
While meeting partners through personal networks is still the most common kind of introduction, about one-in-ten partnered adults (12%) say they met their partner online. About a third (32%) of adults who are married, living with a partner or are in a committed relationship say friends and family helped them find their match. Smaller shares say they met through work (18%), through school (17%), online (12%), at a bar or restaurant (8%), at a place of worship (5%) or somewhere else (8%).
Some other sources I’m seeing say it’s as high as 60% of couples met online.
There was a “Golden Age” period of dating apps (that actually coincided much with the same “golden age” of many other services including streaming), where making money wasn’t the goal, and the services actually served their official goal - pairing up people.
Problem is, any kind of dating app is self-detrimental for revenue, because if they serve that official goal, they’re essentially nixing their own customer base. Because what’s the point of a dating app? To find a person you can date, therefore you wouldn’t need a dating app anymore. If it works as advertised, users spend bare minimum time on the platform before achieving their goals and leaving it.
This simply means that a dating platform is only viable in three scenarios:
- the platform itself is an extension of an existing service, meaning it doesn’t have to be financially successful on its own as long as it helps retain users and user-minutes (aka how much time a user spends on the entirety of the service, dating included). See e.g. Facebook’s dating subsection.
- there’s VC funding, the app is in a growth phase, therefore the goals can stay as-is as long as userbase growth can be shown to the investors. Problem is, once the platform reaches critical mass and those investors want their money back, from then on, enshittification ensues.
- the platform is driven not by VC funding or connected services but by a person’s or a group of people’s genuine interest in getting people paired up. There will be ads, there will be some paid features, but it cannot scale and is therefore doomed to fail on the long run (think pre-dating-app forums specialising on dating/partner-finding)
Most dating apps fall into the second category, and in fact if you do just a moment’s research you’ll notice that some 80-90% of the highest traffic (or most known) dating apps are under a single company. Yep, there’s a literal dating apps monopoly going on that snuffs out competition, or buys them up and shuts them down, and so on.
In fact… I’m a mobile app engineer, and I’ve actually ended up applying to a few dating app startups. The one common denominator between these was not that they wanted to do something new, or wanted to engage people differently than the rest… no. It was that all of these companies were specifically made with a niche idea in mind with the sole purpose of creating a minimum viable product that catches the interest of this dating monopoly and buys the company out. Yup. My job would’ve been “make our company sellable”. You can imagine how inspiring that is, especially when there’s no offer of equity on the table…
You know what would be a valuable dating app to me? I have no idea how this would work in actuality, but an app that helps me date my wife in some way. Suggestions of what to do, packaged date nights, flowers, all that shit — except for all kinds of people not just “traditional romance.” River rafting, swinging, sports bars, I mean appeal to all kinds or even people who just want to try things they don’t even know is it’s for them or not. It would be great for singles, but would still be useful after a relationship is in full bloom. But I think that’s something completely different from a dating app.
because if they serve that official goal, they’re essentially nixing their own customer base.
Not if it’s a promiscuous sex dating app. Then it’s more of a social network, thought, just around polyfuck graph instead of kitty photos graph.
True but we’re talking about dating apps meant for the general public, not a hookup/ONS/poly dating app.
Oh someone liked me… Oh I can’t like them back because the system locks 3/4 of people who like you behind a paywall.
Accounts that have more activity tend to get locked down to extract revenue from users.
I liked dating platforms way back in the days when you could make your own page, had large text fields to describe yourself and could filter by age, location and maybe a few other important things like smoking or wanting kids. Years later I tried the apps and it was just frustrating and nothing else. There wasn’t even really space to describe yourself or show your character.
Okcupid used to be good, before they sold out. Its where I met my partner. I was sad to hear it had enshittified.
whose been screwing with the gas chromategraph?!
Most of the apps are trashy and don’t optimize for good matches.
At the same time, many users half-ass using them, or deploy a variety of self-sabotage. (No, it’s not that you’re not tall or hot or whatever. It’s more likely your impersonal message didn’t warrant a response)
These two facts together mean a lot of people have truly bad outcomes.
At the same time, many users half-ass using them
Honestly the way a lot of the Tinder-style ones (swiping) are designed it almost feels like they’re meant to be half-assed? You can’t filter by likes, just exclude by dislikes (ex. Don’t include people who don’t want kids, don’t include smokers, etc) because there’s no search anymore. They just show you a profile, and you swipe.
When I was using them I very quickly stopped reading bios before they matched back. I just swiped right on everyone, checked daily for new matches, read those profiles and blocked/messaged people based on what was in their profile.
Speaking on filters, though: They don’t even work. I had men filtered out, and I ended up getting about 25% of profiles being men. Like, the only gender tag they had was “Man,” which lead to a lot of the “Idk why they even showed me to you I have men filtered out” message being sent.
The top of the funnel I could see an argument for not putting a lot of thought in. You’re just trying to get a pool of potential matches. (The apps are cruel for making you pay for this and not just giving you the list up front)
But once you do have a match, you have to put in some effort to stand out. A lot of people get a match and all they write is “hey”, and then they go right into the trash. Why would I engage with someone who just wrote “hey” when I could instead talk to someone who read my profile and said something personalized?
Also swiping yes on everyone might do strange things to their recommendation algorithm. Unfortunately that’s a black box, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that puts you in some sort of chum bucket shadow ban situation.
And also, yeah, making you pay for basic filters is a trashy design. Match group should be broken up.
Maybe, but it did happen earlier on before I’d started, so I think the filters are just kinda not great to start
I had that happen to me, too, and I’m a straight man. Never really wanted to do gay stuff, and yet Tinder would constantly throw in gay matches as if to say “are you SURE you don’t wanna do a little experimenting while we watch?”
They’re really optimizing for the income of the people who make the apps. No surprise there.
