“Here at Aperture Science, we dare to ask the big questions. We noticed our employees eating Hot Pockets so we bought the company. Now we have Hot Pockets the size of Coney Island hoagies with regular-sized Hot Pockets inside. It’s our way of saying how much we care.

We also irradiated them in the lab to see what would happen. So if you eat one, there is a very slight chance you might start glowing in the dark.”