Unfortunately, I had a middle aged white dude make that argument to me while I was a bartender. This was a little before the pandemic, in one of the least diverse states in the U.S. (population is ~90% white people). He said that in his entire life, he had never witnessed or experienced anyone be racist to anyone else, ever, and the only reason why people think it’s an issue is because the news is overly sensational and tries to divide us. I tried to tell him his experiences are not universal and cannot be taken as representative of the experiences of a person of color, but he was not having it. Since I was about half his age at the time, he said I didn’t have enough life experience to know that. This is despite the fact that I have several friends with first hand experience with racism in the same state he lived. They’ve been called slurs, followed around in stores, harassed by police and school administrations in public school, been told to go back to their own country (even though this is their own country, and the person telling them this is not indigenous), and numerous other examples.
It was a frustrating conversation that didn’t go anywhere. It’s especially disheartening that he at least recognized that the news tries to divide us, but then started repeating Fox News taking points when I tried sharing some of the things my friends have been through.
I remember once on a forum a big cis het guy was saying that he’s never seen cat calling on the street. Never him, and never at any of his friends. Someone pointed out that since he’s a big dude, he’s probably not going to be catcalled, and other shitty dudes are likely not going to bother people near him because of patriarchy.
To everyone’s surprise, he came back and was like “ok that makes sense. And I asked my women friends and they told me a lot of stories”
Glad to hear he actually checked with the women in his life for their perspective. I’m sure the guy in my example did not have any friends who were POC. If he did, he never bothered to ask them about their experiences with racism and they never felt comfortable enough with him to tell him about their experiences. Based on his age, in the era he grew up, the state was over 95% white people, and that was likely more concentrated to urban areas. If I had to place a bet, I would say the area he grew up in was rural or suburban. It was just wild to me that he never considered that things could be different for other people living in a different area.
If I’m remembering correctly, this was during the time that NFL athletes were kneeling for the national anthem and conservatives were losing their minds over it. He was watching a game playing on the TV, watched them kneel instead of stand, and commented that BLM is a stupid, pointless movement. The conversation ensued from there.
Unfortunately, I had a middle aged white dude make that argument to me while I was a bartender. This was a little before the pandemic, in one of the least diverse states in the U.S. (population is ~90% white people). He said that in his entire life, he had never witnessed or experienced anyone be racist to anyone else, ever, and the only reason why people think it’s an issue is because the news is overly sensational and tries to divide us. I tried to tell him his experiences are not universal and cannot be taken as representative of the experiences of a person of color, but he was not having it. Since I was about half his age at the time, he said I didn’t have enough life experience to know that. This is despite the fact that I have several friends with first hand experience with racism in the same state he lived. They’ve been called slurs, followed around in stores, harassed by police and school administrations in public school, been told to go back to their own country (even though this is their own country, and the person telling them this is not indigenous), and numerous other examples.
It was a frustrating conversation that didn’t go anywhere. It’s especially disheartening that he at least recognized that the news tries to divide us, but then started repeating Fox News taking points when I tried sharing some of the things my friends have been through.
I remember once on a forum a big cis het guy was saying that he’s never seen cat calling on the street. Never him, and never at any of his friends. Someone pointed out that since he’s a big dude, he’s probably not going to be catcalled, and other shitty dudes are likely not going to bother people near him because of patriarchy.
To everyone’s surprise, he came back and was like “ok that makes sense. And I asked my women friends and they told me a lot of stories”
Rare to see someone change their mind like that.
Glad to hear he actually checked with the women in his life for their perspective. I’m sure the guy in my example did not have any friends who were POC. If he did, he never bothered to ask them about their experiences with racism and they never felt comfortable enough with him to tell him about their experiences. Based on his age, in the era he grew up, the state was over 95% white people, and that was likely more concentrated to urban areas. If I had to place a bet, I would say the area he grew up in was rural or suburban. It was just wild to me that he never considered that things could be different for other people living in a different area.
If I’m remembering correctly, this was during the time that NFL athletes were kneeling for the national anthem and conservatives were losing their minds over it. He was watching a game playing on the TV, watched them kneel instead of stand, and commented that BLM is a stupid, pointless movement. The conversation ensued from there.
Good on him for actually listening and checking with people who would know more