It’s a skill where fucking it up has the possible consequence of being labeled a creep, or worse. Makes it a lot harder to get into when participating could ruin your life. Many people have written off flirting / approaching in person entirely because of this.
Note the “possible”. Fear means people are less likely to do something, not that there is some sort of assessment on the likelyhood of a risk actually happening.
You made it very clear that you’re talking about your fears. Not your actual experiences, but your imagined ones.
I’m put in mind of MRA Men, of self described “incels,” who are fond of claiming that even a single accusation of sexual impropriety can “ruin their lives.” But as far as I can tell, that just doesn’t happen.
Believe it or not, you can’t die of embarrassment. If one person decides (if a dozen people decide) they don’t want to hang out with you (whether they call you a “creep” or not), that’s not “ruining your life.”
Do you imagine that, given the billions of people who have lived and died before you, you are really a unique outlier, of such exquisite psychological delicacy that even the slightest embarrassment will create permanent psychic scars? It’s a fantastically egotistical point of view.
I appreciate all the work you put into writing about and belittling my experiences. Please reconsider your priorities.
I’m autistic. More importantly I’m also empathetic; too many people have told me that women don’t appreciate being approached by strange people except in very specific circumstances. It’s not just a person risk vs personal reward calculation. It’s also a risk of how whoever I approach may be affected as well. It’s a calculation of what the reward actually is. Getting a date could be fun, but I’m not so sure it’s worth ruining someone (or several someone’s) else’s evening to obtain it. I’m also very sure that the amount of times I would have to try, in order to learn how to flirt, is much higher than a neurotypical person’s would be.
Just because you think that learning to flirt with people is a skill worth having does mean it is one I think is one worth having, independant of any of the risks or realities of what learning to flirt might actually entail.
It’s a skill where fucking it up has the possible consequence of being labeled a creep, or worse. Makes it a lot harder to get into when participating could ruin your life. Many people have written off flirting / approaching in person entirely because of this.
Note the “possible”. Fear means people are less likely to do something, not that there is some sort of assessment on the likelyhood of a risk actually happening.
Giving up before even trying does not sound like a winning strategy.
If winning means not getting charged with sexual harassment, it’s a good strategy.
Yeah… the risk/reward does not have a good skew.
Whatever works for you man
I’m not going to tell you that flirting is easy or that there’s no wrong way to do it, but this is unreasonable. Hyperbolic.
I’ll thank you not to decide my experiences for me.
You made it very clear that you’re talking about your fears. Not your actual experiences, but your imagined ones.
I’m put in mind of MRA Men, of self described “incels,” who are fond of claiming that even a single accusation of sexual impropriety can “ruin their lives.” But as far as I can tell, that just doesn’t happen.
Believe it or not, you can’t die of embarrassment. If one person decides (if a dozen people decide) they don’t want to hang out with you (whether they call you a “creep” or not), that’s not “ruining your life.”
Do you imagine that, given the billions of people who have lived and died before you, you are really a unique outlier, of such exquisite psychological delicacy that even the slightest embarrassment will create permanent psychic scars? It’s a fantastically egotistical point of view.
I appreciate all the work you put into writing about and belittling my experiences. Please reconsider your priorities.
I’m autistic. More importantly I’m also empathetic; too many people have told me that women don’t appreciate being approached by strange people except in very specific circumstances. It’s not just a person risk vs personal reward calculation. It’s also a risk of how whoever I approach may be affected as well. It’s a calculation of what the reward actually is. Getting a date could be fun, but I’m not so sure it’s worth ruining someone (or several someone’s) else’s evening to obtain it. I’m also very sure that the amount of times I would have to try, in order to learn how to flirt, is much higher than a neurotypical person’s would be.
Just because you think that learning to flirt with people is a skill worth having does mean it is one I think is one worth having, independant of any of the risks or realities of what learning to flirt might actually entail.