Also, at least officially, the reason they baptize teenagers with the names of your dead ancestors is because they believe baptism of a physical body is necessary for salvation, AND that they will continue to pester said dead ancestors to convert to Mormonism in heaven’s waiting room.

If some random little shit who lied to his local bishop about cranking it three times a week will get dunked when they read the right name, apparently that helps with the backlog or something, and White Jesus really wants them to get right on that, I assume because his dad is up his ass about TPS Reports or something.