If my cat could understand the absolutely filthy names I call her she probably would not come home anymore.

“And that’s why you should always pay your taxes on time. Any questions?”

If I come home drunk, I have good reason to lecture! Actually, I’d have to start with some very stern questions.

Question 1, number one, how the hell did these animals get into my house?

Question 2, what the hell are you guys doing in my house?

Question 3, …

I passed out drunk, because it was a long way home. I’ll deal with it in the morning.