Politics and violence are the primary reasons I don’t show up anymore. (with one kind of exception mentioned at the end)
The story, briefly. TW: Threats of violence.
One of my uncle’s started talking about how he was “looking forward to getting the order to hunt people like me [queer leftist] down in the streets” without knowing he was talking about people like me (and 3 other people there that day). Which was met with some hoots and hollers from other relatives. I mentioned how that was fucked up. Large argument breaks out. It is then revealed (not by me) that I’m both queer and a leftist
He then shouted that I have “10 seconds to get out of his house while he gets his gun” and then stood and (while counting) walked away. Which was met with some other hoots and hollers.
I left never to return. Only 3 (out of about 60 people who were still there) others left as well.
All things considered it was way overdue at that point given many many other things that have gone down at those gatherings (6+ gathering per year) over the years. And from what I hear it’s only gotten so much worse since me and the other 3 stopped going.
For years afterwards I’d get invited to the gatherings (being told that said uncle (and other awful people) weren’t going to be there) only to have a message inevitably come in somewhere between 6am and an hour before the function was to start saying that, “We sent you the invitation by mistake, you’re not welcome in our home”.
For context: the gatherings took place at many different relatives homes (so different people sending the invites and redactions), but in general it was a rotation of all of the homes of the aunts, uncles, grandparents, a few of the other relatives, and some friends of other relatives.
Second (and longer) story time of the first time that happened (2 months after the previous story) TW: a reference to domestic violence.
The first time the invite came in I even replied a few minutes later with a “In that case I’ll show up, what do you want me to bring?” My aunt (who sent the invite, older sister to the uncle in the story) replied with “Your sweet potatoes and green bean casserole, they taste just like [great grandma]'s and they’re always a hit!” So I got up early, and made them (2 9x13 pans of each) by 2pm (Thanksgiving was slotted in at 4pm that year) and while I was getting ready was when the “Invitation was a mistake” message came in. So I called, to no answer. I called 6 different relatives (5 of which lived with her, the 6th was someone who always showed up at like 6am the day of a gathering to help set up), none of them answered. Then I got a text from my aunt (who sent the invite) saying “What part of ‘not welcome’ do you not understand?”
I replied with, “But why invite me in the first place if I’m not welcome?”
“I don’t want to talk about this now. I want things to be civil.”
“I can be civil if no one threatens my life, and you told me that uncle [redacted] who threatened to murder me last time wasn’t going to be there. So was that a lie then?”
She didn’t reply.
My brother called me an hour after the function started to ask me where I was.
“Aunt [the host] told me I wasn’t welcome at her house and uninvited me 3 hours ago.” and then I recounted the story above.
“Oh my god, he wasn’t going to kill you.”
I then recounted the story of how uncle [redacted] almost beat one of our cousin’s now ex-husband to death in her own living room 4 months prior. (I had missed that function due to being sick and only found out about it AFTER the previous one happened)
“Well he deserved it, you didn’t.”
“Uncle [redacted] was on his porch with his shotgun by the time I was in my car.”
“Well aunt [the host] doesn’t own any guns so you should be fine.”
My brother and I don’t talk much anymore.
I did show up to the gathering for when grandma passed (we don’t really do ‘funerals’ we do ‘celebrations of life’ basically. Think Thanksgiving (but often longer) where we all share our stories about the deceased and celebrate with a feast basically (It’s a whole thing)) without an invite. No one said a damn thing as it’s the kind of function where differences are set aside. Though almost no one spoke to me, I was able to share my stories for her. Everyone who stops showing up always makes it out for these if they’ve got stories to share.
Politics and violence are the primary reasons I don’t show up anymore. (with one kind of exception mentioned at the end)
The story, briefly. TW: Threats of violence.
One of my uncle’s started talking about how he was “looking forward to getting the order to hunt people like me [queer leftist] down in the streets” without knowing he was talking about people like me (and 3 other people there that day). Which was met with some hoots and hollers from other relatives. I mentioned how that was fucked up. Large argument breaks out. It is then revealed (not by me) that I’m both queer and a leftist
He then shouted that I have “10 seconds to get out of his house while he gets his gun” and then stood and (while counting) walked away. Which was met with some other hoots and hollers.
I left never to return. Only 3 (out of about 60 people who were still there) others left as well.
All things considered it was way overdue at that point given many many other things that have gone down at those gatherings (6+ gathering per year) over the years. And from what I hear it’s only gotten so much worse since me and the other 3 stopped going.
For years afterwards I’d get invited to the gatherings (being told that said uncle (and other awful people) weren’t going to be there) only to have a message inevitably come in somewhere between 6am and an hour before the function was to start saying that, “We sent you the invitation by mistake, you’re not welcome in our home”.
For context: the gatherings took place at many different relatives homes (so different people sending the invites and redactions), but in general it was a rotation of all of the homes of the aunts, uncles, grandparents, a few of the other relatives, and some friends of other relatives.
Second (and longer) story time of the first time that happened (2 months after the previous story) TW: a reference to domestic violence.
The first time the invite came in I even replied a few minutes later with a “In that case I’ll show up, what do you want me to bring?” My aunt (who sent the invite, older sister to the uncle in the story) replied with “Your sweet potatoes and green bean casserole, they taste just like [great grandma]'s and they’re always a hit!” So I got up early, and made them (2 9x13 pans of each) by 2pm (Thanksgiving was slotted in at 4pm that year) and while I was getting ready was when the “Invitation was a mistake” message came in. So I called, to no answer. I called 6 different relatives (5 of which lived with her, the 6th was someone who always showed up at like 6am the day of a gathering to help set up), none of them answered. Then I got a text from my aunt (who sent the invite) saying “What part of ‘not welcome’ do you not understand?”
I replied with, “But why invite me in the first place if I’m not welcome?”
“I don’t want to talk about this now. I want things to be civil.”
“I can be civil if no one threatens my life, and you told me that uncle [redacted] who threatened to murder me last time wasn’t going to be there. So was that a lie then?”
She didn’t reply.
My brother called me an hour after the function started to ask me where I was.
“Aunt [the host] told me I wasn’t welcome at her house and uninvited me 3 hours ago.” and then I recounted the story above.
“Oh my god, he wasn’t going to kill you.”
I then recounted the story of how uncle [redacted] almost beat one of our cousin’s now ex-husband to death in her own living room 4 months prior. (I had missed that function due to being sick and only found out about it AFTER the previous one happened)
“Well he deserved it, you didn’t.”
“Uncle [redacted] was on his porch with his shotgun by the time I was in my car.”
“Well aunt [the host] doesn’t own any guns so you should be fine.”
My brother and I don’t talk much anymore.
I did show up to the gathering for when grandma passed (we don’t really do ‘funerals’ we do ‘celebrations of life’ basically. Think Thanksgiving (but often longer) where we all share our stories about the deceased and celebrate with a feast basically (It’s a whole thing)) without an invite. No one said a damn thing as it’s the kind of function where differences are set aside. Though almost no one spoke to me, I was able to share my stories for her. Everyone who stops showing up always makes it out for these if they’ve got stories to share.