• pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    7 months ago

    Yeah, right? Why would they want me? May as well save us both the embarrassment and awkwardness by never interacting again, and save myself the pain by kicking down any romantic feeling or inclination I have so I’ll eventually stop having them and won’t have to feel bad about not being able to act on them

    Fuck, sorry, I’m a lot better mentally nowadays but sometimes that still surfaces. Hard to stop over a decade of that kind of thinking and mental habits

    • Wxnzxn@lemmy.ml
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      7 months ago

      I know this all too well, although for me it surfaces much less as the thought of “saving myself the pain”, but instead being a very aggressive: “I am so bad/worthless, any attempt by me could be genuinely hurtful/transgressive”.

      Had a lot of work, therapy, life developments, it got better, but never truly vanished as this thing that sometimes bubbles up at the core of my self - some days more, some days less. Wishing you the best in your own struggles with thoughts and feelings like that.

    • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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      7 months ago

      Fuck, that hit home. I’m with someone that I love and it’s great. I love myself and that’s great. But man, years of feeling ^^ this way. Cheers to each of us and anyone else who known this feeling.

    • Rooskie91@discuss.online
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      7 months ago

      The important part is you’re doing the work, and I want to recognize your effort and thank you for it.

      I’m on my own journey and I always have to remind myself that even though the work is hard, it is necessary to end the cycle of harm. Continuing the cycle is infinitely worse than the hard work. The more people that end the cycle, the better the world will become.

    • ReversalHatchery@beehaw.org
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      7 months ago

      I feel you, I’m in the same boat. However

      Fuck, sorry, I’m a lot better mentally nowadays

      Your profile picture does not signal this. Are you ok?

      I like to tell myself that it’s fine, and that I can live this way, and justify it with knowing this is not a privilege. Probably I’m hiding my mental problems well enough for others not to see it, but they are there. I know I’m not fine, and another thing I know is that I would tell otherwise when it comes up.

      • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        7 months ago

        Yeah, I’m on dating apps and actively trying to make connections these days. I still have some dark times, but they’re about as bad as my baseline was a year ago. Things are so much better in general, and when they aren’t I can handle it much better. I appreciate your concern!

      • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        7 months ago

        This is where the pictures originally from, I cropped it and touched it up a bit. In context it’s not as bad as it looks but it does resonate with me

    • Dymonika@beehaw.org
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      7 months ago

      Why would they want me?

      I’ve seen total hotties being together with lawn-mower faces. Anything is possible.