https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVpS5ebDl96/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYo-HxoAUtR/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVpS5ebDl96/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYo-HxoAUtR/

thank mr skeltal

CDPR is about to serve us up the tutorial again, but with entirely new music.

My wife is always shocked to learn that despite communicating with him somewhat regularly, I have absolutely no details regarding any of my brother’s upcoming plans or life events. Yes, I know he’s engaged. I think I was one of the first to hear about it… No, I don’t know when he plans to get married, or where… I don’t know if he’s going to South America again this year. I don’t know any of this. It didn’t come up. He will probably tell me if/when he does. I’m not really worried about it.

What do we talk about? Memes, mostly… Most recently I’ve been sending him these fake Rastafarian AI doctor videos on Instagram with hilarious visual demonstrations of poop flying out of butts like a whirlwind while a passionate man talks about selling you his herbal cleanse. Now I’ve discovered the female version that is all about vaginal disbiosis and what to do “when ya poosee smell like a rotten fish mahhket” (you buy her secret Rasta herbal cleanse, that’s what you do…)

But no, I don’t know if he’s coming for Christmas.

Maybe this fuckin’ cop can figure out what keeps happening to all those balls that dissappear over that fence…

What kind of loser hasn’t double-dogged it before?

I remember being mortified whenever mom would take me pants shopping and would tell the hot ass associate that we were looking for the husky section. Like, obviously the woman that was way too old for me could clearly tell that I needed that section, but something about mom saying just really drove the nail into my guts.

You can’t just tell Wendy Peffercorn that your boy needs husky pants…

This is solid advice. New owners recently banned earbuds at work, which really sucks, but something curious happened as a result. I stopped listening to political shit on YouTube five days per week and I’ve never felt more calm. Now when I occasionally do pop in to Kyle Kulinski or something I see the world is still on fucking fire, but I got five good days of peace and my attention to the matter made no difference to anyone else.

Imbeciles have bought their way into the presidency, and bottom-tier comedians have bought themselves into gatekeepers of comedy. Next they’re going to tell me absolute fucking morons have bought their way into the top of Big Tech…

Freeman’s Mind is such a comfort to return to every now and then. Ross has one of those Homer Simpson voices that make me feel warm and at peace just listening to.

“Helped me cum”

Same. Went to a casino once, pulled a slot machine and won $30. Then lost $30. Never returned to one.

I do enjoy being gifted scratch-off tickets, though, but I won’t spend my own money on them (unless as gifts to others). I manage at a grocery store and I’m often surrounded by people who aren’t particularly wise with money. Every time there’s a big lottery drawing coming up I get to hear from everyone how “THE JACKPOT IS UP TO 30-MILLION NOW! YOU BETTER GET A TICKET! YA CAN’T WIN IF YA DON’T PLAY!”

Yeah, and I don’t burn money if I don’t play, either…

sad Swedish Chef noises

I (a male) should start a foot pic GoFundMe posing as a particularly hairy female. I guarantee I would at least bring enough in to buy some McDoubles.

I worked with a guy with a similar story – book included. Are you Canadian?

Went down a metal slide once and a swarm of them came out of one of the top poles. Swarmed my throat and stung me several times there. Survived, but it was horrible.

The ocean’s condom.

Bees went fucking nuts for my lupine, even while living in an urban environment. Only problem was that the aphids did too. So many that it was revolting. I had to aggressively remove them every single day of the colonies would explode and destroy my lupine within a very short time. They’d suck it dry.

A lady who supposedly “worked for a water company” and won’t drink tap water argued very confidently this morning that the little flakes you can see in tap water are not minerals. I put on my serious research face, but only had to do one Google search (they’re minerals).