I see. That makes sense. Sometimes I forget that some people actually grew up with effective parenting.
Finances were one of many taboo topics in my house growing up. I never even knew a remote approximation of my dad’s salary, or what things like groceries, utilities, healthcare, etc. cost; until I became an adult and had to face those things for myself. I felt pretty blindsided by how expensive life is.
When I was a kid my parents gave me three envelopes and said one’s for saving, one’s for giving to church, and the other’s for spending. Or at least they claimed they told me that, a year later when they found out I was putting all my allowance in the same envelope. But that’s the first I recall ever hearing about their little system.
After that, there was no oversight. No checking in or auditing to make sure I’m doing it right, no instructive moments when they found out I’m doing it wrong. Just scolding and blaming, and shortly after I stopped receiving an allowance because it “wasn’t working” to teach me financial responsibility. As if all it takes is saying “do this” one time and then forgetting it.
It was the same with everything. Hygiene, chores, etc. They thought they could tell a kid with single-digit age “do this” one time and then forget about it and assume it immediately becomes a failproof habit. And then scolding and blaming when years down the line they find out that’s not the case. “I taught you better than this! You’re just being lazy!” Stuff like that.
It’s a foolproof way to instill something: oppositional defiant disorder.
So yeah, sometimes I forget that to some people “parents taught me [such and such] good habit” actually means “modeling good behavior and checking in to verify and make gentle corrections until it actually becomes learned.”
I see. That makes sense. Sometimes I forget that some people actually grew up with effective parenting.
Finances were one of many taboo topics in my house growing up. I never even knew a remote approximation of my dad’s salary, or what things like groceries, utilities, healthcare, etc. cost; until I became an adult and had to face those things for myself. I felt pretty blindsided by how expensive life is.
When I was a kid my parents gave me three envelopes and said one’s for saving, one’s for giving to church, and the other’s for spending. Or at least they claimed they told me that, a year later when they found out I was putting all my allowance in the same envelope. But that’s the first I recall ever hearing about their little system.
After that, there was no oversight. No checking in or auditing to make sure I’m doing it right, no instructive moments when they found out I’m doing it wrong. Just scolding and blaming, and shortly after I stopped receiving an allowance because it “wasn’t working” to teach me financial responsibility. As if all it takes is saying “do this” one time and then forgetting it.
It was the same with everything. Hygiene, chores, etc. They thought they could tell a kid with single-digit age “do this” one time and then forget about it and assume it immediately becomes a failproof habit. And then scolding and blaming when years down the line they find out that’s not the case. “I taught you better than this! You’re just being lazy!” Stuff like that.
It’s a foolproof way to instill something: oppositional defiant disorder.
So yeah, sometimes I forget that to some people “parents taught me [such and such] good habit” actually means “modeling good behavior and checking in to verify and make gentle corrections until it actually becomes learned.”