I feel like there should be a single click installer that creates a recovery partition, tells the uEFI to boot into it, wipes the original windows partitions out and installs to the computer, then removes itself, lets Linux reboot and reclaim the entire drive with a partition resize

Most linux installs are easier than Windows. It’s not a Linux issue, it’s an “already installed” issue. I wouldn’t want installations to be any easier than they are because the steps you’re involved with are steps that someone needs to give input or you risk destroying everything you had. Any OS installation that isn’t OEM, linux or Windows, starts with the assumption that there might be something important that it shouldn’t touch. Linux has OEM installations that from the perspective of the user receiving the computer, are identical to starting Windows for the first time.