The question you have to ask yourself, though, is this: Do I want to scold white people for their privilege, or do I want to get them on my side to fix it? In my experience, rubbing their noses in it is going to set people’s minds against you.

I think you are making the same mistake they do. You can’t very well get someone to help fix a problem if you don’t let them know the problem exists. Just discussing or explaining white privilege isn’t the same as scolding someone about it. The folks who take it that way are going to take it that way no matter what terms we use, because they don’t want to admit it exists.