Sorry for the serious comment (which is not a reply to OP but something I want to share with my fellow audience).
I think there are 3 distinct cases where someone says something and I think, “hey, that’s not fair/true/etc” and feel myself getting defensive. Each case has an appropriate response, in my opinion:
They are not talking about me as an individual, but making sweeping statements - the person isn’t talking to me or about me as an individual, no one is asking for my response or thoughts so I can just move on with my life. Maybe the sweeping statement helps me understand my role in systemic oppression (like by simply being north american) and I can reflect on that, but typically it’s more of an awareness/learning thing and not actionable until I learn/reflect more.
Same as 1 but + I am not the intended audience - not everything is about me or for me. The intended audience probably has some context I am missing and even if they don’t no one cares what my take is, so again just let it go.
If they are speaking about me in particular they are a) either right and I’m reacting with guilt or shame, b) having some misunderstanding and we need to come together to solve the conflict or c) someone I have no relationship/community/duty to and no benefit comes from trying to resolve so I can also just let it go.
Sorry for the serious comment (which is not a reply to OP but something I want to share with my fellow audience).
I think there are 3 distinct cases where someone says something and I think, “hey, that’s not fair/true/etc” and feel myself getting defensive. Each case has an appropriate response, in my opinion:
They are not talking about me as an individual, but making sweeping statements - the person isn’t talking to me or about me as an individual, no one is asking for my response or thoughts so I can just move on with my life. Maybe the sweeping statement helps me understand my role in systemic oppression (like by simply being north american) and I can reflect on that, but typically it’s more of an awareness/learning thing and not actionable until I learn/reflect more.
Same as 1 but + I am not the intended audience - not everything is about me or for me. The intended audience probably has some context I am missing and even if they don’t no one cares what my take is, so again just let it go.
If they are speaking about me in particular they are a) either right and I’m reacting with guilt or shame, b) having some misunderstanding and we need to come together to solve the conflict or c) someone I have no relationship/community/duty to and no benefit comes from trying to resolve so I can also just let it go.
That’s a very mindful observation, thanks!