Transcription:
I just received your superheated letter in regard to the bill I owe you. You said you thought the bill could have been paid long ago, and you could not understand why it wasn’t. Well, I will enlighten you right now.
In 1907 I bought a saw mill on credit. In 1908 I bought an ox cart, two timber carts and a breach loading shotgun. I also bought a wire tester and a Colt revolver and two fine razorback hogs and all on the same installment plan. In 1909 the mill burned down and didn’t leave a thing. One of the hogs died and I loaned the other to a Son-of-a-bitch who starved him to death. Then I joined a church. In 1910 my father was lynched for horse stealing. A railroader hooked up my daughter and it cost me $75 to keep the little bastard from becoming a relative of mine. In 1911 my boy caught the mumps and they went down him, so I had to have him castrated in order to save his life. That summer I went fishing and the boat overturned and I lost the biggest G-D catfish you ever saw and two of my sons drowned, neither of them being the one that was castrated.
In 1915 my wife ran away with a heavy-hung removed and left me a pair of twins as a souvenir. Then I married the hired girl to keep expenses down but I had trouble getting her to go off. I asked the doctor and he said to excite her about the time I thought she was ready. That night I took the shotgun to bed with me and when I thought she was ready I stuck it out the window and pulled the trigger. The wife shit in bed, I ruptured myself and killed the best cow I ever had.
In 1930 I burned out and took to drinking. I didn’t stop until all I had left was a dollar watch and kidney trouble. For a time all I did was wind my watch and piss.
The next year I decided to start all over again so I bought a manure spreader, a binder, a threshing machine, all on credit. Then along came a cyclone and blew them all into the next county. My wife got a dose of claps from a traveling sales- man, my youngest son wiped his ass on a corncob that was covered with rat poison and some Son-of-a-bitch denutted my best bull.
At the present time if it costs me a nickel to shit, I’d have to puke. Yet you say you can cause me trouble. Listen, trying to get money out of me would be harder than trying to pack butter up a cat’s ass with a red hot poker, but mister you are welcome to try.
Edit: I do not condone the usage of slurs in the original post but left it in for historical accuracy.
That is actually incorrect. This document was transcribed by OCR (Optical Character Recognition) software around 20 years ago, and had since sat in one of my old files folders for about 2 decades.
I saw the recent old scanned post from 1982 yesterday regarding the 97 year old lady that was thankful for the gifted transistor radio. I found it funny of course, and it reminded me that I had this old scanned letter, along with the transcription, sitting somewhere in an old files folder.
Sorry I didn’t bother nitpicking and proofreading every last word before I posted it, I just remembered ‘hey, I have an old funny document, where the fuck did I store it?’
It was only after I finally found and posted it that I went back to finally read over it again, and of course by then every other commenter here started losing their shit over one word in the middle of a large word salad that unfortunately happens to be offensive, which was originally typed before I was even born.
TL;DR - No, I was not aware that derogatory word was present in the original image at the time I posted it, I had simply forgot after 20 years. It’s not the end of the world my dude, but at least Lemmy’s filters automatically removed it from the transcribed version.
Yeah I saw the other comment right before I saw this response. Sorry I wasn’t psychic and knew you didn’t bother to read things you post.
It’s a funny post, despite the slur.