I could see my wife and I having this conversation.
I remember one infamous New Year’s Eve party when she and another friend confronted me and very pointedly asked if I thought a third friend was hot. I just look at my wife with confusion. I think I even asked “is this a trap?” She smiles and reassures me that, no, this isn’t a trap. So I just say, “Yes! She’s hot!” The third friend immediately collapses and cries. They explained to me that the reason they did this and didn’t give any context is because the third friend was having some self confidence issues and felt ugly. Meanwhile she’s literally in this super amazing dress and absolutely stunning. I’ve always thought she was hot. (My wife and I always talk about who we find attractive, we were never so insecure as to view it as a problem.) So if they told me that before they were worried that I would just say yes to be nice or something.
That’s fine too. I’m glad you all have have the intimacy to be able to be honest with each other and confront lies about what insecurities are harmful, and need intervention for. I’m glad the 3rd friend was able to confront that insecurity with people they can trust.
Still, we don’t call each other “bitches,” but something healthier: “cuties.”
Retrospective:
spoiler
Even in my polycule, if I had to intervene with a friend and a partner like this, I’d be upfront with you by saying:
In order for this experiment to go through blind, I need your earnest opinion without biases and spoiler effects:
Do you think this person looks hot?
I could see my wife and I having this conversation.
I remember one infamous New Year’s Eve party when she and another friend confronted me and very pointedly asked if I thought a third friend was hot. I just look at my wife with confusion. I think I even asked “is this a trap?” She smiles and reassures me that, no, this isn’t a trap. So I just say, “Yes! She’s hot!” The third friend immediately collapses and cries. They explained to me that the reason they did this and didn’t give any context is because the third friend was having some self confidence issues and felt ugly. Meanwhile she’s literally in this super amazing dress and absolutely stunning. I’ve always thought she was hot. (My wife and I always talk about who we find attractive, we were never so insecure as to view it as a problem.) So if they told me that before they were worried that I would just say yes to be nice or something.
That’s fine too. I’m glad you all have have the intimacy to be able to be honest with each other and confront lies about what insecurities are harmful, and need intervention for. I’m glad the 3rd friend was able to confront that insecurity with people they can trust.
Still, we don’t call each other “bitches,” but something healthier: “cuties.”
Retrospective:
spoiler
Even in my polycule, if I had to intervene with a friend and a partner like this, I’d be upfront with you by saying: