Too big to be included in your free allowance and self-defeating as a checked bag, this mandatory carry-on item includes an unfamiliar-looking battery (which is either too small to be useful or too big to be safe) that will cause both in-flight staff that are sick of life and TSA agents looking for an excuse, any excuse, alike to giggle with glee. The space demanded by the retractable handles and motor ensure that not only will you need to be selective with your packing but also with your gym workout in preparation for lugging this thing into an overhead bin. In the departures lounge it comes into it’s own: instead of having to walk for arduous minutes at a time from security to the gate - often along treacherous perfectly flat carpeted concrete floors, and with mere hours to spare - you can now inexpertly weave your top-heavy assemblage through the delighted thorngs of your fellow travellers who will surely be as obliging as can be of enduring the occasional shin injury or will graciously bow out of your way as soon as their self-preservation instincts sense your approach.
Please note this thing must be kept bone dry and is utterly useless on asphalt, gravel, uneven paving slabs, grass or even the mildest inclines, meaning it becomes an unrelenting burden the moment it leaves the terminal.
From the product description:
…probably
Did you just come up with that!? It’s perfect. (Aside from the “thorngs” typo.) Do you write for a living?