Spoilers, goddammit!

“Put this piece of me in your mouth and drink my bodily fluids.”

Why does Elon look like he’s badly photoshopped onto his own body?

I’ve never heard anyone say Prince Pierre Bonaparte didn’t shoot Ronald McDonald. Do with that (lack of) information what you will.

I’m making some guesses here that it’s about a browser (and that it’s a browser with a feature to restore previous sessions) but it seems to fit.

I only just realized that EOD in this context meant “End of day”. Thought this was a highly-trained bomb tech who couldn’t integrate new information into their process.

You can restore your previous browsing session from the history menu in Firefox. It’ll bring up multiple windows and their tabs.

Which would be a poor but not completely unreasonable way to describe what happens when you squish a clump to split it into individual grains so the oil can cook it evenly instead of making an oily white rice ball that has a fried outer surface.

I’ll assume they’re talking about breaking up clumps instead of the thing a serial killer would do and then just phrased it poorly.

Must be cold, give it a blanket.

Call him Bigmet (pronounced “big-meat”) for short.

I’m worried that stupid is our best case scenario. For all we know, the rest are stupid plus a cattle prod to the junk so might as well stick with the one that isn’t currently zapping my balls.

That one’s for chess moves.

Skip the preamble and lead with the last line, you’ve already won me over.

Jet fuel can’t melt steel beans.

Probably just has to drool into the collection jar considering how much time these guys spend sucking themselves off.

If you enjoyed the book, check out the album Haunted by Poe. Anyone with a functioning radio in the 90s may have heard Angry Johnny a time or ten but she’s got some other good tracks too. Poe is the stage name of Anne Danielewski and, if the last name is familiar, that’s because she’s the House of Leaves author’s sister.

You just put a jack under one end of the building, lift it up and let them roll out the other side. Easy peasy.

Assume a spherical child in a frictionless vacuum.

Strong entry for an Ig Nobel Prize if nothing else.