Sure, a person might have said that. They’d have been right about the danger but wrong about our risk tolerance. It’s hard enough to keep people from becoming water balloons in a simple collision on the ground (though things have definitely improved in that regard over the past century). It’s also a much bigger problem to run out of fuel or have an engine failure in midair than on the ground in the vast majority of situations.

False advertising still believes in you*.

No, all I’ve got are these kazoos and other assorted noisemakers that you can take home to terrorize entertain your parents.

Being an uncle is pure joy.

…drinking my beer! Or eating my lunch for tomorrow. Or half a birthday cake.

Could’ve just said “eating my lunch”, it’s obviously a beer and half of a birthday cake.

The FBI called to help, maybe they can sort things out for you too. Thought they’d be busy with other stuff right now but I guess they need these Apple gift cards to upgrade my security…

This is one of those “unmute to understand” ones if somebody in silent mode is about to paste the title into a search engine.

Gross, my fridge got hit with ransomware again and now all the food inside is encrypted. Time to see if my canned backups are any good.

…Where did I put those backups?

When you say it like that, it sounds better in some ways and worse in others.

Just in case anyone was wondering why we don’t do that.

Yeah, it’s the online forums and gaming communities that radicalized me and not the legion of drooling idiots destroying my country at the direction (or at least to the delight) of foreign adversaries. Good job, detective.

Try room 2D with access code 58008.

Hello world.

I hope the machines that kill the internet will post messages warning each other about the danger of humans taking it back and refer to it as live internet theory.

…Hail Mary and and an Our Father for penance. Really though, you can’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe those orphanages needed to burn, have you ever thought that maybe it was God who put that gas can into your hands? Let yourself live in the moment, don’t be afraid to share your spark with the world.

I am beginning to think it was a bad idea to prioritize engagement and retention over safety.

That’s about as much sense as they ever make. Oh well, thank you for trying. I’d attempt sign language but theirs only includes a single gesture and I don’t want it to look any more like 1930s to mid 40s Germany in here than it already feels.

Interpreter! Anybody here speak Republican?

I can program “Hello world” in 36 languages (half of which are identical for that example and another few where the only difference is stuff like semicolons and brackets) and make an LED turn on and off for no reason. Basically the second coming of Tony Stark, no big deal.

It’s a shame this cell reproduces by mitosis because damn is it looking fine. Got all the right organelles in all the right places. Back that vacuole up! It’s too bad I don’t have a false foot fetish 'cause this lovely specimen had pseudopodia for days.

You say that like it’d be a weird thing.

One of many natural beauties which may reach their potential easier with a little help from some recent rainfall.