How do you think your produce ends up in the bin in the produce section?

Work that grocers have passed onto their customers that they used to do themselves:

• Gathering the groceries from the shelves.
• Bagging the groceries.
• Checking out the groceries.

Do you think every person that works at a military base interrogates prisoners?

I propose the most practical option possible:

Simply isolate the washing machine completely from the building. Levitate it entirely off the ground, suspended in the air via a massive toroidal superconducting electromagnet, 3 meters in diameter, cooled by liquid helium. (Which will need to be regularly topped off. It tends to slowly leak through solid walls.)

The noise would be greatly reduced. As the machine thrashes about, it will do little but disturb the air around it. Little noise will be generated, except from the sound of the machine’s own parts acting against each other.

Though, if you really wanted to optimize this for this setup, a different design is in order? Perhaps a non-standard design would better handle internal vibrational damping? Have you considered calling local stores and asking if they have any spherical washing machines in stock?

There has to be some hippy out there selling organic fabric softener in a wooden cask.

That’s why you prepare a hallway with like 20 of these alcoves. When one machine breaks, you simply pump it full of cement and plaster it over. It just becomes part of the wall. It remains there, entombed forever, like some latter-day washing machine Pompeii. Or maybe you don’t plaster over them at all. Maybe you proudly display them. “These are the washing machines of my ancestors…”

Please tell me you also wear a fanny pack.

What exactly do you think analog signals are?

They’re actually all analog, because they all get processed by your senses, which are analog.

Stranger things have happened. I could see a timeline that goes like:

1. The election in 2028 is blatantly stolen by Republicans, establishing a mask-off dictatorship.

2. After a decade, they’re eventually ousted by a popular front consisting of civil society advocates, leftist organizers and activists, and religious movements.

3. As the regime falls, the religious movement takes over everything and establishes an overt theocracy.

No. You don’t. A copy that can be remotely deactivated is not something you own. If you can’t use it if the company were to go bankrupt, then you don’t own it.

Are you a time traveler lost from 1993?

So you can own your game.

I don’t know how to make you understand the value of owning your own things.

Games came on multiple disks back in the day. Why not now?

I hope they handle the time skip like this:

Austin again has to get frozen in time, as Dr. Evil decided to again jump forward into the future. Except this time, for plot reasons, the cryo pods malfunctioned and they still ended up aging 30 years.

I wonder if older houses seem more “hauntable” simply because they were built to facilitate air flow within them. Before air conditioning, homes had to be built to allow air to naturally circulate. Thought was placed into room, door, and window layouts to encourage air flow throughout the home, windows were designed to fully open, and transom windows allowed air flow even when doors were closed.

The point is that old homes were built to allow air flow. This means that there’s more opportunity for doors to randomly close and other things to be disturbed by the wind. Older homes also weren’t as sealed and insulated as well. They were designed assuming that some of the structure would get wet and then dry out. Older buildings were designed to undergo constant moisture cycling, while newer buildings try to seal out moisture all together. More dramatic changes in lumber moisture content means more creaks, groans, and other ghostly noises.

Simply because of how buildings science has evolved, it’s possible that older homes just more readily produce “haunting” sounds than modern ones.

Price is also a major factor. Restaurants won’t balk at paying thousands for an industrial grade dishwasher if it can replace or greatly reduce the demand for a human dishwasher. Even at low restaurant wages, it doesn’t take long for a $6000 dishwasher to pay for itself. On the other hand, if the only dishwashers available cost that much, if there were no dishwashers at a consumer price point? Most people would just go without one in their home.

Quick, someone call Alec to do an hour-long YouTube video investigating this!

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKI-5kTBAGwlm_CbFva49Z7J81rRsnyAN