But seriously… I had a first date with a vegetarian and she knew of this great restaurant in a trendy part of town. I love trying new food, and was excited for this restaurant. While looking over the menu the Portabella Burger spoke to me, so I ordered it and it was incredible. We had good conversation and we were getting along fairly well. We went for a walk around the area and that’s when I discovered that my body does not handle large amounts of mushrooms very well. I immediately bloated full of gas, and I could tell it was going to be nasty. My focus immediately was 100% on holding it in… the conversation began to suffer because I couldn’t think of anything to talk about, and had a hard time focusing on what she was talking about. I just wanted the date to end. I eventually came up with what was likely a very lame excuse to end the date. I waddled back to my car and then had the longest drive home. I never heard from her after that.
Damn that sucks. Shoulda just been honest. “Look, something about that portabella must not be agreeing with me. I might have a huge fart coming, but I don’t want it to distract me from what you’re saying. I’ll try to let it out quietly if I can, but if it catches me off guard, please forgive me if I let one rip. I’ll try to give you a warning so you can stand upwind.”
Gas anxiety is just dating over 40. Even if things go as well as possible… especially if they go well… you go home, you fuck for hours, you collapse in a sweaty heap too tired to shower…
There’s like a solid 30% chance the booze and sudden unusual food will result in sleep farts. You just have to hope the other party is tired enough to sleep through it.
9/11 was pretty bad.
But seriously… I had a first date with a vegetarian and she knew of this great restaurant in a trendy part of town. I love trying new food, and was excited for this restaurant. While looking over the menu the Portabella Burger spoke to me, so I ordered it and it was incredible. We had good conversation and we were getting along fairly well. We went for a walk around the area and that’s when I discovered that my body does not handle large amounts of mushrooms very well. I immediately bloated full of gas, and I could tell it was going to be nasty. My focus immediately was 100% on holding it in… the conversation began to suffer because I couldn’t think of anything to talk about, and had a hard time focusing on what she was talking about. I just wanted the date to end. I eventually came up with what was likely a very lame excuse to end the date. I waddled back to my car and then had the longest drive home. I never heard from her after that.
oh my dude, you just have told her later
Damn that sucks. Shoulda just been honest. “Look, something about that portabella must not be agreeing with me. I might have a huge fart coming, but I don’t want it to distract me from what you’re saying. I’ll try to let it out quietly if I can, but if it catches me off guard, please forgive me if I let one rip. I’ll try to give you a warning so you can stand upwind.”
NEVER TRUST A FART. I’ve been married for decades and I don’t let rip unless I know what’s up. never, ever just trust a fart.
Listen to mr conductor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raP1AeV68rA
Gas anxiety is just dating over 40. Even if things go as well as possible… especially if they go well… you go home, you fuck for hours, you collapse in a sweaty heap too tired to shower…
There’s like a solid 30% chance the booze and sudden unusual food will result in sleep farts. You just have to hope the other party is tired enough to sleep through it.